It’s almost tax time, which we really look forward to. Hopefully we can get enough to get the credit card people off our backs! I am laughing. We NEVER use that money to pay bills or dull stuff like open a savings account. It is sort of like Christmas in February! So we buy stuff we really need. Clothes and electronics! We get PAID for filing. We don’t make very much money but we always get back more money than my stupid brother-in-law who works as a plumber. He thinks he is so smart.
He told me I was wrong to buy my house and get the extra money. Like he is some sort of financial expert. Then he said I was stupid to take the credit cards and the equity loans for buying stuff we had to have. Like clothes and electronics. If he is so smart why do you think I get more money back than him? And mine is called earned income, just like he’s always saying his is called.
I wish they had “credit card payments stamps!” People are jealous of the Village. Anything that happens in the Village eventually happens everywhere else. The lady who told me about the Village is going to be President soon everybody knows that. She is the smartest person in the world and everybody knows it.
I cannot believe it, I am refinancing my house already. I got enough to pay off the credit cards (right, like that‘s going to happen! I am laughing sooo hard. I bet you are too!) and something called an Adjustable Rate. I don’t know what that is but I think I will be able to adjust the rate if the payment gets too hard to make. And even better yet, I don’t have to make a payment for ninety days!
I was getting worried for a minute. Now I got a little breathing room before I have to go to work.
I am having trouble sleeping. I am really worried about climate change. All of this has me worried about my kids and what the future holds. Carbon dioxide and carbon caps. I have no idea what that stuff is but the guy that bad George stole the election from thinks all of us need to be worried. People in the village take him very seriously. Worrying is something we like to do in the Village. I listen to them and I have no idea what they are saying. I just nod my head and say, “Oh, yeah!”
I told you that it was unusually cold for this time of the year remember? They said the cold is part of global warming. I don’t understand that but if the Villager leaders say so, then it is. Even actors say that too! Actors are so smart about everything. They learn all of this stuff at acting college I bet.
They know about all kinds of facts and are so unselfish! Some of them even fly around in their own airplanes to warn us that the earth will be dead in no time. They are very smart and not ugly either. If you are ugly acting may not work well unless the movie calls for an ugly actor. I sure hope that was not wrong to say that! They are like the popular kids in school and can say anything they want. They really like to tell us about global warming.
They use a lot of words and facts. Most of it is way too depressing even if it doesn’t make any sense. I can’t say that because the other villagers would think I wasn’t like them. It is very important to be like the rest of the villagers. That is, after all, what makes us individuals; each and everyone of us thinking alike! I get nervous when people talk differently and have other ideas.
That is why when I go see my bother-in- law I have to be careful. He listens to talk radio and that is frowned on in the Village. I have this thing I do if he starts making too much sense. I leave the room.
Making sense is frowned on in the Village. Sometimes I will just say, “Well, they all get their talking points from the White House!” I don’t know what that means but I heard a guy on VNN say it. I think when the lady who told me about the Village gets in power, those men on the radio are going to have to find another way to defend polluters and corporations.
I think they may even have to find new jobs! I listened to one guy but the stuff he said made me think and then I got a headache. Since then I have put thinking way down on my list of stuff I need to do. Besides, I have the Village and the leaders. They make it so you don’t have to do a lot of thinking.
Monday, July 27, 2009
We Deserve It!
We don’t even get a power or gas bill anymore. They just pay it for us. I love the Village! The Village leaders told us that the utility companies are poisoning the water and polar bears are dead just from swimming in that water! Big corporations dump paint and old chemicals on the North Pole to save money. Serves them right to have to pay our power bill don’t you think?
We only have to stand in that line once a year to get our eligibility renewed. They try to find ways to disqualify us on income. They are so greedy, don’t you think? I think everybody ought to get free power. It’s in the Bill of Rights! Sometime we make money off of yard sales and other stuff. We just don’t have to report it. Sometimes we work for cash and that is excellent. Then we go to Outback. I wish they took food stamps!
Food stamps are sometimes like cash. But you have to be careful doing that because people will tell on you. I don’t like the lines there. And they only have basic cable. They have awful magazines too. In the Village they have ads that ask you to come and get food stamps. That is really good service. That is so generous of the Post Office to give us those food stamps.
We did a whoops early on and reported some of our neighbor kids as our own children! But if they have to advertise to give them away this will help them don’t you think? The more we use the less they will have to advertise! So it’s not like we are cheating is it? So they will not have to spend as much advertising, right? So we saved them money by over reporting how many kids we have.
Gosh, I love the Village! Some places let you buy beer, wine or even cigarettes with food stamps. They aren’t supposed to but when you think about it people drink beer and wine with food so it only makes sense that you can buy them. And my wife always wants a cigarette after eating, so again it’s only logical.
One of the Village leaders said it was in the Declaration of Independence. Bad George and his friends don’t believe in the Declaration of Independence. I read that in People magazine at the hospital waiting room. Or it was on VNN? Either way they have no reason to lie do they?
Churches will give you food but they want to pray with you and then sing a hymn. And you have to take what they put in the box. Jesus would let you order what you wanted to eat. It’s in the bible I think. We’ve NEVER gotten fish from a church. Jesus liked fish!
We only have to stand in that line once a year to get our eligibility renewed. They try to find ways to disqualify us on income. They are so greedy, don’t you think? I think everybody ought to get free power. It’s in the Bill of Rights! Sometime we make money off of yard sales and other stuff. We just don’t have to report it. Sometimes we work for cash and that is excellent. Then we go to Outback. I wish they took food stamps!
Food stamps are sometimes like cash. But you have to be careful doing that because people will tell on you. I don’t like the lines there. And they only have basic cable. They have awful magazines too. In the Village they have ads that ask you to come and get food stamps. That is really good service. That is so generous of the Post Office to give us those food stamps.
We did a whoops early on and reported some of our neighbor kids as our own children! But if they have to advertise to give them away this will help them don’t you think? The more we use the less they will have to advertise! So it’s not like we are cheating is it? So they will not have to spend as much advertising, right? So we saved them money by over reporting how many kids we have.
Gosh, I love the Village! Some places let you buy beer, wine or even cigarettes with food stamps. They aren’t supposed to but when you think about it people drink beer and wine with food so it only makes sense that you can buy them. And my wife always wants a cigarette after eating, so again it’s only logical.
One of the Village leaders said it was in the Declaration of Independence. Bad George and his friends don’t believe in the Declaration of Independence. I read that in People magazine at the hospital waiting room. Or it was on VNN? Either way they have no reason to lie do they?
Churches will give you food but they want to pray with you and then sing a hymn. And you have to take what they put in the box. Jesus would let you order what you wanted to eat. It’s in the bible I think. We’ve NEVER gotten fish from a church. Jesus liked fish!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Whats My Line!
Yes, but the Village would live another day!
I get home to find that I have a sick child. We will have to go see the family doctor. I get her into the car and head for the doctor’s office. We have found that you really don’t have to have insurance to get care. You just have to be willing to wait. I call my friends at the hospital (we call it the doctors office, our family doctor!) “the line people.” We have gotten used to lines. Food stamps and government assistance requires a lot of waiting. I am so glad they have cable at those places. Once you get used to standing in line, it makes the next place or the next time you have to wait that much easier. Besides, when you finally get to the front of the line, you get free stuff. Free! Free food stamps or coupons or a shot or some cheese or a check! It’s kind of like you get paid for being a line person! When you get good at it, you can even get paid for blood! But you have to wait your turn! The Village leaders have a lot of money. So I feel good when I get mine! Those rich people are friends with evil George and the corporations. They will be sorry when the nice lady who told me about the Village gets his job! Rich people don’t like to wait. That is why they have first class and country clubs. Rich people don’t pay taxes because they have accountants and lawyers who show them how to avoid taxes. The Village leaders have found out how to get the money they hide! Besides, how much money do they need anyway? It’s only fair that they share it with those of us who are less fortunate. Any way we are at the Emergency Room. We call it the doctor’s office. They are so nice. They do everything for free! We have never gotten a bill! The best part is when you go you don’t have to wait later to get tests and scans. They do them that day! I told you waiting was a good thing! While you wait you can watch television or eat at the cafeteria or one of the fast food places in the lobby. It is sort of like being at the mall except you get medicine. What you do is take turns so if your name gets called you can call others on the cell phone and they will hurry back to go inside to see the doctor. Sometimes the cell phone doesn’t work inside so you have to page them. You can make it fun! I pretend I am a doctor and we just laugh and laugh!
Well, we are back home. That only took five hours but my little one is feeling great. Plus, guess what? We all got flu shots! And they just opened a pizza buffet at the hospital. It was awesome! Plus they take credit cards. Paying for food with credit cards is sort of like eating for free! We had to wait in line for the buffet but it was worth it. Being sick CAN be fun! Did you know that you could get power and gas for free? Well, you can. Free, I don’t know how they do it but it’s sure nice of them. Well all of us know that they make billions of dollars anyway. I think it’s in the Constitution that they have to help.
I get home to find that I have a sick child. We will have to go see the family doctor. I get her into the car and head for the doctor’s office. We have found that you really don’t have to have insurance to get care. You just have to be willing to wait. I call my friends at the hospital (we call it the doctors office, our family doctor!) “the line people.” We have gotten used to lines. Food stamps and government assistance requires a lot of waiting. I am so glad they have cable at those places. Once you get used to standing in line, it makes the next place or the next time you have to wait that much easier. Besides, when you finally get to the front of the line, you get free stuff. Free! Free food stamps or coupons or a shot or some cheese or a check! It’s kind of like you get paid for being a line person! When you get good at it, you can even get paid for blood! But you have to wait your turn! The Village leaders have a lot of money. So I feel good when I get mine! Those rich people are friends with evil George and the corporations. They will be sorry when the nice lady who told me about the Village gets his job! Rich people don’t like to wait. That is why they have first class and country clubs. Rich people don’t pay taxes because they have accountants and lawyers who show them how to avoid taxes. The Village leaders have found out how to get the money they hide! Besides, how much money do they need anyway? It’s only fair that they share it with those of us who are less fortunate. Any way we are at the Emergency Room. We call it the doctor’s office. They are so nice. They do everything for free! We have never gotten a bill! The best part is when you go you don’t have to wait later to get tests and scans. They do them that day! I told you waiting was a good thing! While you wait you can watch television or eat at the cafeteria or one of the fast food places in the lobby. It is sort of like being at the mall except you get medicine. What you do is take turns so if your name gets called you can call others on the cell phone and they will hurry back to go inside to see the doctor. Sometimes the cell phone doesn’t work inside so you have to page them. You can make it fun! I pretend I am a doctor and we just laugh and laugh!
Well, we are back home. That only took five hours but my little one is feeling great. Plus, guess what? We all got flu shots! And they just opened a pizza buffet at the hospital. It was awesome! Plus they take credit cards. Paying for food with credit cards is sort of like eating for free! We had to wait in line for the buffet but it was worth it. Being sick CAN be fun! Did you know that you could get power and gas for free? Well, you can. Free, I don’t know how they do it but it’s sure nice of them. Well all of us know that they make billions of dollars anyway. I think it’s in the Constitution that they have to help.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
An Inconvienent Truth - Buying A Car The Governement Endorsed
I was wondering about what a web cam does. I thought about that awhile but I got a headache.
I think a new car will make it stop. I turned on my really big TV set so I could find a car. I went to a car place once but it gave me a headache. That is the worst part of buying a car. I know I will have to go there to actually buy it. I am going to ask the Village leaders to fix this somehow. They like to fix things for us in the Village. The Village people really shouldn't be bothered by anything!
The Village leaders know what is best for us. They want to protect us from CEO’s and bosses who make a lot of money and cheat us. I was going to ask what a CEO was but it doesn’t matter because the Village leaders told me that they are bad. The Village leaders know best anyway. I know I have said that already but it is important that you know how much they care for the working people. I can’t wait to be working soon!
Wait; here is the car place I like! They are funny. They yell real loud and the salesmen do goofy things to make you want to buy. I am laughing real loud. One of the salesmen is dressed up like a lemon and the other salesmen chase him with tennis racquets and they were all dressed like Super Heroes!
I hear the owner now and he is doing like the guy on Charlies Angels and my mission is to come and get a car at below invoice prices! They will even show me the invoice. That is how honest they are in the Village. I don’t know what an invoice is, but I will look at it and wrinkle my forehead.
It’s a Lexus, made in America. I love General Motors. If they had a plant here in the Village I would want to work there. Sometimes the people who work making cars get mad and walk around with signs. I tried to read them once on the news but I did not know what they meant. I was in a bar and all the people were yelling and clapping. If they were happy then the signs had to be good, I think. VNN said that the car makers are bad and they just want to send the jobs out of America to China or Alabama.
One of the new Villagers said that the workers were greedy and that foreign car makers made better cars for less money. I was going to ask him about that but he did not stay long at the Village. I thought about what he said but it gave me a headache trying to figure out how somebody could build a car for less money than General Motors. That is just plain dumb, a car is a car! Look at potato chips . They are all two bags for five dollars. And potato chips are easier to make than a car.
I just found out a Lexus is not made by General Motors so I am buying a Buick. Then they show it. The C-20 SUV! Twelve passenger comfort, two 37” flip down DVD monitors, the 400 H.P. Triple Twin Magnum engine all sitting on 26” Chrome Devastator rims! The good thing is that the Superhero guys sell the C-20 SUV too! I am ready for the test drive. Ready does not describe the feeling. I am going to drive a C-20.This is the closest any non-pilot is ever going to get to a fighter plane!
I drag my wife and kids to the car and we make our way to the dealership. My palms are sweaty. This is a man’s domain (I am not supposed to say that, the Village leaders said that is sexist). I won’t say it anymore. I pull in and hit the parking lot before the car is even stopped. Getting to my feet I am eye to eye with Spiderman! He was in the commercial, I recognize him. My Spidey questions do not go over well with him.
I can hardly get the words out of my mouth; I have rehearsed this, line by line. I settle for “C-20” and point. “Sir,” says Spidey, “The Village leaders have asked our company to make Enviro-friendly cars. They see it now as well, patriotic, for citizens to buy them.” I see his lips moving and I am picking out words. Now I have to worry about global warming. The Village leaders don’t want us driving SUV’s and min-vans.
They don’t exactly stop us, but you can tell they are a bit put off by them. We only have a few years before the Earth burns up and I guess I need to help somehow. In amongst all he was saying, little of which I understand, I did hear, “C-21.” And I heard myself say, “Yes.”
They have this one that gets 47 miles to the gallon on the highway. It’s not very big. It’s like the size of a go-cart but you have doors and windows. The Village leaders said loyal Americans who want to delay the arrival of the day the Earth burns up ought to buy these cars. They believe it so much that they are going to outlaw big cars.
Well not all, they have to have them because they need to get to places fast and they carry so much government stuff they need more room. They have to ride on big planes to go to meetings too. Sometimes they have to go to islands and stuff to have meetings. They go a lot too. They just got back from a meeting on some island where they had to talk about CEO’s and how much money they steal.
I don’t remember much about the test drive. I recall being hunched over holding a childlike steering wheel while Spidey, who seemed to be sitting in my seat, “sold” me on the C-21. I saw an instrument on the dashboard. It was more of a rim than a dashboard. The instrument looked like a GPS. Spidey cut me off at the pass. “NAGS.” “NAGS?” “NAGS, Negative Activity Guidance System. It will tell you any time you are committing an environmentally unfriendly activity in the C-21. And it will tell you until you stop. As a matter of fact it continues reminding you just to keep you honest.”
I think I blacked out about there. I just bought our new car. The C-21. It costs more than the SUV I wanted, but the Village leaders know best. They said once they got rid of evil George we would have a chance to save Earth before it was too late. The man evil George stole the election from said this too. He has been forced to take a whole lot of money for saying the truth, poor guy! I am sure he will donate all of it to charity, some day soon! The kids made faces and would not ride in the car. The salesmen were all laughing as we drove off. I think they were shooting a commercial. I am sure that was what made them laugh. One of the Village leaders passed me going real fast.
At that point I remember Spidey had said something like, “Getting passed in the C-21 creates something like jet-wash.” It will take me awhile to get used to how this car handles. Some kids went past me on bicycles and gave me thumbs up. Then they laughed real loud, I love the Village! That made it worthwhile. It was really cold for this time of the year and the heater does not work very well.
Spidey said that this was how the car was designed. The big cars have too good of heaters and that is why the climate is changing. I had some questions I wanted to ask, but he sounded very certain of this. I started to get a headache and it’s better to just go along you know? Besides I found out that the Charley’s Angel’s guy is a brother-in-law to a Village leader. He sells a lot of the cars to the Village leaders that they have to drive. Mainly the C-20!
I thought how nice it was of him to sell those big cars he doesn’t like, just to help out our country! And on top of that our leaders have to ride around with those heaters that work but heat up the planet!
The salesman told me to be really careful when I turned on the air conditioning. Never do it if I ever get a chance to pass anybody. Ever get a chance? Do not use it on hills, inclines, ramps or if I have two or more people in the car. Never turn it on if the car is idling for longer than five minutes. Never use it at the same time I use the turn signals or windshield wipers. I told my son that, the one who is going to be a professional skate boarder; he called me a dork. Then he and the other skateboarders laughed really loud. I could hear then really well because the car isn’t very well insulated from outside noise. I turned the radio up real loud to drown them out but the car died when I did that. That made them laugh more and the youngest and littlest skateboarder called me a dork again.
I think I heard my wife laugh this time too, but the cars honking at me as I sat in the roadway drowned it out. A sense of pride that only those who fight climate change can understand swept over me. Inconvenient truth? Yes, but the Village would live another day!
I think a new car will make it stop. I turned on my really big TV set so I could find a car. I went to a car place once but it gave me a headache. That is the worst part of buying a car. I know I will have to go there to actually buy it. I am going to ask the Village leaders to fix this somehow. They like to fix things for us in the Village. The Village people really shouldn't be bothered by anything!
The Village leaders know what is best for us. They want to protect us from CEO’s and bosses who make a lot of money and cheat us. I was going to ask what a CEO was but it doesn’t matter because the Village leaders told me that they are bad. The Village leaders know best anyway. I know I have said that already but it is important that you know how much they care for the working people. I can’t wait to be working soon!
Wait; here is the car place I like! They are funny. They yell real loud and the salesmen do goofy things to make you want to buy. I am laughing real loud. One of the salesmen is dressed up like a lemon and the other salesmen chase him with tennis racquets and they were all dressed like Super Heroes!
I hear the owner now and he is doing like the guy on Charlies Angels and my mission is to come and get a car at below invoice prices! They will even show me the invoice. That is how honest they are in the Village. I don’t know what an invoice is, but I will look at it and wrinkle my forehead.
It’s a Lexus, made in America. I love General Motors. If they had a plant here in the Village I would want to work there. Sometimes the people who work making cars get mad and walk around with signs. I tried to read them once on the news but I did not know what they meant. I was in a bar and all the people were yelling and clapping. If they were happy then the signs had to be good, I think. VNN said that the car makers are bad and they just want to send the jobs out of America to China or Alabama.
One of the new Villagers said that the workers were greedy and that foreign car makers made better cars for less money. I was going to ask him about that but he did not stay long at the Village. I thought about what he said but it gave me a headache trying to figure out how somebody could build a car for less money than General Motors. That is just plain dumb, a car is a car! Look at potato chips . They are all two bags for five dollars. And potato chips are easier to make than a car.
I just found out a Lexus is not made by General Motors so I am buying a Buick. Then they show it. The C-20 SUV! Twelve passenger comfort, two 37” flip down DVD monitors, the 400 H.P. Triple Twin Magnum engine all sitting on 26” Chrome Devastator rims! The good thing is that the Superhero guys sell the C-20 SUV too! I am ready for the test drive. Ready does not describe the feeling. I am going to drive a C-20.This is the closest any non-pilot is ever going to get to a fighter plane!
I drag my wife and kids to the car and we make our way to the dealership. My palms are sweaty. This is a man’s domain (I am not supposed to say that, the Village leaders said that is sexist). I won’t say it anymore. I pull in and hit the parking lot before the car is even stopped. Getting to my feet I am eye to eye with Spiderman! He was in the commercial, I recognize him. My Spidey questions do not go over well with him.
I can hardly get the words out of my mouth; I have rehearsed this, line by line. I settle for “C-20” and point. “Sir,” says Spidey, “The Village leaders have asked our company to make Enviro-friendly cars. They see it now as well, patriotic, for citizens to buy them.” I see his lips moving and I am picking out words. Now I have to worry about global warming. The Village leaders don’t want us driving SUV’s and min-vans.
They don’t exactly stop us, but you can tell they are a bit put off by them. We only have a few years before the Earth burns up and I guess I need to help somehow. In amongst all he was saying, little of which I understand, I did hear, “C-21.” And I heard myself say, “Yes.”
They have this one that gets 47 miles to the gallon on the highway. It’s not very big. It’s like the size of a go-cart but you have doors and windows. The Village leaders said loyal Americans who want to delay the arrival of the day the Earth burns up ought to buy these cars. They believe it so much that they are going to outlaw big cars.
Well not all, they have to have them because they need to get to places fast and they carry so much government stuff they need more room. They have to ride on big planes to go to meetings too. Sometimes they have to go to islands and stuff to have meetings. They go a lot too. They just got back from a meeting on some island where they had to talk about CEO’s and how much money they steal.
I don’t remember much about the test drive. I recall being hunched over holding a childlike steering wheel while Spidey, who seemed to be sitting in my seat, “sold” me on the C-21. I saw an instrument on the dashboard. It was more of a rim than a dashboard. The instrument looked like a GPS. Spidey cut me off at the pass. “NAGS.” “NAGS?” “NAGS, Negative Activity Guidance System. It will tell you any time you are committing an environmentally unfriendly activity in the C-21. And it will tell you until you stop. As a matter of fact it continues reminding you just to keep you honest.”
I think I blacked out about there. I just bought our new car. The C-21. It costs more than the SUV I wanted, but the Village leaders know best. They said once they got rid of evil George we would have a chance to save Earth before it was too late. The man evil George stole the election from said this too. He has been forced to take a whole lot of money for saying the truth, poor guy! I am sure he will donate all of it to charity, some day soon! The kids made faces and would not ride in the car. The salesmen were all laughing as we drove off. I think they were shooting a commercial. I am sure that was what made them laugh. One of the Village leaders passed me going real fast.
At that point I remember Spidey had said something like, “Getting passed in the C-21 creates something like jet-wash.” It will take me awhile to get used to how this car handles. Some kids went past me on bicycles and gave me thumbs up. Then they laughed real loud, I love the Village! That made it worthwhile. It was really cold for this time of the year and the heater does not work very well.
Spidey said that this was how the car was designed. The big cars have too good of heaters and that is why the climate is changing. I had some questions I wanted to ask, but he sounded very certain of this. I started to get a headache and it’s better to just go along you know? Besides I found out that the Charley’s Angel’s guy is a brother-in-law to a Village leader. He sells a lot of the cars to the Village leaders that they have to drive. Mainly the C-20!
I thought how nice it was of him to sell those big cars he doesn’t like, just to help out our country! And on top of that our leaders have to ride around with those heaters that work but heat up the planet!
The salesman told me to be really careful when I turned on the air conditioning. Never do it if I ever get a chance to pass anybody. Ever get a chance? Do not use it on hills, inclines, ramps or if I have two or more people in the car. Never turn it on if the car is idling for longer than five minutes. Never use it at the same time I use the turn signals or windshield wipers. I told my son that, the one who is going to be a professional skate boarder; he called me a dork. Then he and the other skateboarders laughed really loud. I could hear then really well because the car isn’t very well insulated from outside noise. I turned the radio up real loud to drown them out but the car died when I did that. That made them laugh more and the youngest and littlest skateboarder called me a dork again.
I think I heard my wife laugh this time too, but the cars honking at me as I sat in the roadway drowned it out. A sense of pride that only those who fight climate change can understand swept over me. Inconvenient truth? Yes, but the Village would live another day!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Village Economics
I invested half of the extra mortgage money with a man named Bernie and the other half in Fannie and Freddie based on what a man named Barney said. Hey! Bernie and Barney! You can’t go wrong following investment advice from the Village leaders. They said once I got a job the payments would be really easy to make.
I think the Village business’s really liked that too. They seemed to have fun too, as there was a lot of laughing as they ran the credit cards. The Village has a lot of laughter. Everybody is having fun!
Well, with one exception. Most of them seem mad at George. We hear that a lot. George is not a nice man. He is not like Fannie and Freddie and the nice lady who told us about the Village. He is mean and does not like the Village. It scares the kids because he bombs villagers in other places. That is what it says on the Village news channels, VNN, MSVBC and The Village Times, our newspaper. They too like the lady who told us about the Village. They want her to make bad George go away!
Two other nice men the Village liked tried to make him go away but one time he cheated and stole the election from the first good man! George’s friends try to tell us other stuff. We don’t pay a lot of attention to that. We know that VNN will tell us what is happening and keep us smart villagers. I told the man at the bank this and he just laughed! Everybody in the Village has fun! When you are having fun who wants to listen to people who say, “You shouldn’t do that! Or, “You better be careful, there is a housing bubble!” That is silly! How can a bubble be a house?
VNN is right; some people just don’t like the Village! I told my family not to listen to that foolishness! On the radio are some really mean men and they say bad things about our Village leaders. They are friends of bad George! They make fun of Villagers and the lady who told us about the Village. I heard them talking bad about stem cell research. How stupid of them to make so much fuss about an apple!
They don’t even like Fannie and Freddie! How could anybody not like them? I think they may even like CEO’s! I’m not sure what that is but VNN and the Village leaders said they are bad. They (those mean radio men!) use big words and numbers that confuse my wife and me so we stopped listening. They talked about equity and it made no sense to us! They said stuff like debt to income ratio and it gave me one of those sick headaches I get from time to time! When that happens buying something makes me feel better!
The Village has lots of places that will give you credit cards. I love the Village! They want you happy and they don’t bother you with a lot of big words and numbers. They just laughed when I asked them about credit limits and debt to income ratio. So I laughed too! The Village is full of laughter! I decided to open a saving account but at the time I didn’t have the money. “No money?” said the Village bank, and just laughed. “We can loan you money to put in the saving account.”
Wow! I love the Village! My son, who wants to be a professional skate boarder, asked me if I could make money on the savings account doing that. I got a headache reading all those documents and just told him yes. When he gets paid as a professional skate boarder he will do that too! He said how smart I was and then he laughed real hard. I told you the Village was fun! He laughs every time he asks about the savings account. I told you the Village was good for them. That’s called bonding. I have nice things and now I have a savings account. When I get a job can you imagine how good things will be then?
My daughter now has a home business. I had to buy her a web cam for her PC, well after I bought a new computer. I was going to ask her what happened to the laptop but that gave me a headache.
I was watching Parental Control on my really big TV set. My son’s girlfriend makes me want to go on that show. The nice man on TV even gave us an LCD TV and a printer! He said we didn’t even need good credit! I love the Village! All we needed was a checking account. So I took money out of my savings account and opened a checking account. The people at the bank just laughed and laughed. It felt good to make them laugh! They told me not to worry. I signed a paper and just like that the money was back in my savings account. They call that a supplemental loan. I do not know what that means but I do know I bought something and have more money now than I did when I bought the computer. So if you think about it, I got the computer for free.
When I told my son, the one who wants to be a professional skate boarder, he just laughed and laughed real hard. He almost got sick. A free computer really made him happy! My daughter gets to work out of her room. She said she gets paid to just be in her room! I was wondering about what a web cam does. I thought about that awhile but I got a headache.
I think the Village business’s really liked that too. They seemed to have fun too, as there was a lot of laughing as they ran the credit cards. The Village has a lot of laughter. Everybody is having fun!
Well, with one exception. Most of them seem mad at George. We hear that a lot. George is not a nice man. He is not like Fannie and Freddie and the nice lady who told us about the Village. He is mean and does not like the Village. It scares the kids because he bombs villagers in other places. That is what it says on the Village news channels, VNN, MSVBC and The Village Times, our newspaper. They too like the lady who told us about the Village. They want her to make bad George go away!
Two other nice men the Village liked tried to make him go away but one time he cheated and stole the election from the first good man! George’s friends try to tell us other stuff. We don’t pay a lot of attention to that. We know that VNN will tell us what is happening and keep us smart villagers. I told the man at the bank this and he just laughed! Everybody in the Village has fun! When you are having fun who wants to listen to people who say, “You shouldn’t do that! Or, “You better be careful, there is a housing bubble!” That is silly! How can a bubble be a house?
VNN is right; some people just don’t like the Village! I told my family not to listen to that foolishness! On the radio are some really mean men and they say bad things about our Village leaders. They are friends of bad George! They make fun of Villagers and the lady who told us about the Village. I heard them talking bad about stem cell research. How stupid of them to make so much fuss about an apple!
They don’t even like Fannie and Freddie! How could anybody not like them? I think they may even like CEO’s! I’m not sure what that is but VNN and the Village leaders said they are bad. They (those mean radio men!) use big words and numbers that confuse my wife and me so we stopped listening. They talked about equity and it made no sense to us! They said stuff like debt to income ratio and it gave me one of those sick headaches I get from time to time! When that happens buying something makes me feel better!
The Village has lots of places that will give you credit cards. I love the Village! They want you happy and they don’t bother you with a lot of big words and numbers. They just laughed when I asked them about credit limits and debt to income ratio. So I laughed too! The Village is full of laughter! I decided to open a saving account but at the time I didn’t have the money. “No money?” said the Village bank, and just laughed. “We can loan you money to put in the saving account.”
Wow! I love the Village! My son, who wants to be a professional skate boarder, asked me if I could make money on the savings account doing that. I got a headache reading all those documents and just told him yes. When he gets paid as a professional skate boarder he will do that too! He said how smart I was and then he laughed real hard. I told you the Village was fun! He laughs every time he asks about the savings account. I told you the Village was good for them. That’s called bonding. I have nice things and now I have a savings account. When I get a job can you imagine how good things will be then?
My daughter now has a home business. I had to buy her a web cam for her PC, well after I bought a new computer. I was going to ask her what happened to the laptop but that gave me a headache.
I was watching Parental Control on my really big TV set. My son’s girlfriend makes me want to go on that show. The nice man on TV even gave us an LCD TV and a printer! He said we didn’t even need good credit! I love the Village! All we needed was a checking account. So I took money out of my savings account and opened a checking account. The people at the bank just laughed and laughed. It felt good to make them laugh! They told me not to worry. I signed a paper and just like that the money was back in my savings account. They call that a supplemental loan. I do not know what that means but I do know I bought something and have more money now than I did when I bought the computer. So if you think about it, I got the computer for free.
When I told my son, the one who wants to be a professional skate boarder, he just laughed and laughed real hard. He almost got sick. A free computer really made him happy! My daughter gets to work out of her room. She said she gets paid to just be in her room! I was wondering about what a web cam does. I thought about that awhile but I got a headache.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Early Days
Let me welcome you to the village. I am somewhat new myself and when I came there was no welcoming committee. They do not have anybody to explain how the Village runs or stuff like that. The Villager leaders don’t seem to want us worrying about those things. It is kind of like we just live here and they know what is best for the Village, them and us. I think that is nice of them myself. Having to figure out things on my own gives me a headache. If I have to listen I just pretend to know what they are talking about anyway. Otherwise I would have to put my fingers in my ears and scream real loud!
The Village leaders are a lot like having really cool parents, the kind who don’t say no. They really love the Village! So when we did not get a lot of information I did not take it personally. I think in the excitement to get started the leaders just overlooked this information thing. They are the ones who know what is going on anyway and it’s best if we just leave it alone. I first found out about this place from a nice lady who wanted to raise my kids. She said it took a Village.
She actually volunteered the whole village. I thought it was a great idea and we moved here without a lot of planning. Our kids were doing okay in school. My son has his mind set on being a professional skate boarder and my daughter has a job with a company called My Space. It is very secretive and we are not allowed to look at her company documents. They let her dress however she wants and this keeps her busy. She stays in her room all day working. She told us they have her money in something called a 401K. Her and my son just laughed and laughed when she said that. Already the Village has made them happier. I thought about that 401K for a while but it made me have a headache so I stopped.
I found a house we liked very much. We didn’t have any income at the time and being new in town had not gotten a job yet. The Village Mortgage Company told us that this wasn’t a problem and encouraged us to find that dream house. What nice people! They told us the Village leaders thought everybody ought to have a house. It’s in the Constitution they said. I looked for it but that made me feel carsick so I stopped reading. They kept mentioning Fannie and Freddie. I guessed that they are certainly respected leaders in the Village and I look forward to meeting them. I asked the banker if they were like rich uncles and when he stopped laughing he said yes. I was glad I made him happy.
Obviously they wanted us to have a house. Fanny may be some sort of nickname for the nice lady who prompted us to relocate.
She is so nice! Wanting not only to help us with the kids now she wants to help us get a house! The Village is such a happy place! It is like they don’t want you to have to bother thinking a lot. Thinking is just not good for us.
We found a huge house, the one we had always wanted but could not afford. It was too big, had too many rooms and we could not afford the monthly payments. Well, and to be honest, we really did not have very good credit. On top of that we had no down payment. We called the Village Mortgage Company and applied by phone. Wow! I did not even have to wait! Not only did they give us the mortgage they suggested a little extra to put in a pool and maybe go on vacation. I told them it was a little early to want a vacation, as I had not been to work yet.
They just laughed (I heard a lot of laughing in the background. The Village Mortgage people seemed to be having a very good time!) and said, “Don’t be silly Fannie and Freddie want you to have extra money!” They were so nice! I hope to meet them soon! So we took a loan out at 145% of the home value with no down payment! I really like the Village!
We bought some big screen television sets and surround sound systems. We bought a GPS for our SUV and IPOD’s for the KIDS! I bought a new PC. I bought a Wii for me and a PS3 for the KIDS! I bought laptops for the kids, my daughter needed a new one for her job at My Space. We bought digital cameras and these little frames that played the pictures like we were on TV! We bought cell phones that took pictures, played games, went to the Internet, played music, gave us directions and we could type messages all we wanted! They even played the pictures like we were on TV!
We shopped and shopped and shopped. Soon, tomorrow after we have rested, we will shop some more. We didn’t even have to use the extra money we got on the house. We got a call from The Village Credit Card Company and they gave us a credit card with a great big limit to buy stuff! The interest was a little high, but they were SO nice! I thought about the interest for a minute but I got a sick feeling in my stomach, so I just stopped thinking about it.
The Village leaders are a lot like having really cool parents, the kind who don’t say no. They really love the Village! So when we did not get a lot of information I did not take it personally. I think in the excitement to get started the leaders just overlooked this information thing. They are the ones who know what is going on anyway and it’s best if we just leave it alone. I first found out about this place from a nice lady who wanted to raise my kids. She said it took a Village.
She actually volunteered the whole village. I thought it was a great idea and we moved here without a lot of planning. Our kids were doing okay in school. My son has his mind set on being a professional skate boarder and my daughter has a job with a company called My Space. It is very secretive and we are not allowed to look at her company documents. They let her dress however she wants and this keeps her busy. She stays in her room all day working. She told us they have her money in something called a 401K. Her and my son just laughed and laughed when she said that. Already the Village has made them happier. I thought about that 401K for a while but it made me have a headache so I stopped.
I found a house we liked very much. We didn’t have any income at the time and being new in town had not gotten a job yet. The Village Mortgage Company told us that this wasn’t a problem and encouraged us to find that dream house. What nice people! They told us the Village leaders thought everybody ought to have a house. It’s in the Constitution they said. I looked for it but that made me feel carsick so I stopped reading. They kept mentioning Fannie and Freddie. I guessed that they are certainly respected leaders in the Village and I look forward to meeting them. I asked the banker if they were like rich uncles and when he stopped laughing he said yes. I was glad I made him happy.
Obviously they wanted us to have a house. Fanny may be some sort of nickname for the nice lady who prompted us to relocate.
She is so nice! Wanting not only to help us with the kids now she wants to help us get a house! The Village is such a happy place! It is like they don’t want you to have to bother thinking a lot. Thinking is just not good for us.
We found a huge house, the one we had always wanted but could not afford. It was too big, had too many rooms and we could not afford the monthly payments. Well, and to be honest, we really did not have very good credit. On top of that we had no down payment. We called the Village Mortgage Company and applied by phone. Wow! I did not even have to wait! Not only did they give us the mortgage they suggested a little extra to put in a pool and maybe go on vacation. I told them it was a little early to want a vacation, as I had not been to work yet.
They just laughed (I heard a lot of laughing in the background. The Village Mortgage people seemed to be having a very good time!) and said, “Don’t be silly Fannie and Freddie want you to have extra money!” They were so nice! I hope to meet them soon! So we took a loan out at 145% of the home value with no down payment! I really like the Village!
We bought some big screen television sets and surround sound systems. We bought a GPS for our SUV and IPOD’s for the KIDS! I bought a new PC. I bought a Wii for me and a PS3 for the KIDS! I bought laptops for the kids, my daughter needed a new one for her job at My Space. We bought digital cameras and these little frames that played the pictures like we were on TV! We bought cell phones that took pictures, played games, went to the Internet, played music, gave us directions and we could type messages all we wanted! They even played the pictures like we were on TV!
We shopped and shopped and shopped. Soon, tomorrow after we have rested, we will shop some more. We didn’t even have to use the extra money we got on the house. We got a call from The Village Credit Card Company and they gave us a credit card with a great big limit to buy stuff! The interest was a little high, but they were SO nice! I thought about the interest for a minute but I got a sick feeling in my stomach, so I just stopped thinking about it.
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