Political Insights from A Savvy Voter

It is getting close to the primaries. For you people who listen to talk radio that means we get to pick who runs for President. Yes, it is a little early but this election is the most important ever. And we might as well get it done. The lady who invited me to the Village is going to win the primary and then she will get elected President. After that all the problems we now face will be gone. She has been a U.S. Senator and if it wasn’t for the Republicans she could have already fixed everything. She is so smart! And she cares about us little people. I bet it would be fun to have her over for dinner. She is just like us! I think she would like it too. We have so much in common! I have men in my family who can’t keep their hands off other women either! I wish she could be President forever!
A nice young man from Illinois is running too. Bless his heart he should save his money. LOL, (that is a computer word!) but you have to admire him for trying! He doesn’t have much experience so that will keep him from getting elected. It will be good practice for him anyway and hopefully it will make his people proud, well half of them anyway. I mean he is part black. But I have a lot of black friends. Well not a lot, they do not seem to like this part of the country. Did that sound bad, “they”? Saying the right thing is very important and saying the wrong thing is easy too. In the Village words are watched very closely.
Hate speech will not be tolerated (hear that talk radio guys?). I hope “they” was okay! I am worried now, what if someone thinks I meant something bad? I am going to apologize just in case. We apologize for everything in the Village. From Christopher Columbus to bad George we can‘t apologize enough. Good thing is the Village leaders keep finding stuff for us to apologize about. They are so nice! They love everybody and spend all of their lives trying to make life better for the little people.
Surprise! The young man is winning. It is funny how things change. Some of the people who helped the Village lady, the one who knew everything? Well, they now think maybe she is NOT the smartest person anymore, he is! Oh you should listen to him talk. It is very exciting. He talks about change and boy do we need that! Oh, I don’t think I should have said boy, do you? What if people take it wrong and get offended. I wish I could take that back! I will write letters to everybody and apologize. Then we will all feel better. When a person feels guilty about the things they say or what they think that might offend other people that is good. We need to know what everybody is thinking!
He said no more business as usual in Washington. No more politics as usual. I know that gets said all the time but you can tell by how he says it that he really means it. He will appoint everyday people, people like us, to important jobs. I mean he did not say that, but that may be what he meant. What is so exciting is that he never says exactly what the changes will be, so you can make it whatever you like. That makes me feel good. It is like when you buy a lottery ticket with a huge payoff and you get to pretend how you feel, then they draw numbers and you lose. But you feel great for a little bit.
How people feel is more importanat than what they do. I pretend he just gave me a good job and he just wants me to be happy and loved. When he talks I get, well to be honest, a thrill runs up the back of my leg. I have a man-crush! There, I said it! I have talked to other men in the Village and they say that too. Then we get kind of quiet until one of us starts talking about football. Or we punch each other in the shoulder.
I feel a little bit sorry for the lady though. I mean she had this thing won! Now they make fun of her on television. They did not used to do that at all! I wonder if that hurt her feelings? The television people loved her so much, but not as much anymore. They did a television show about a woman once too and she was the President. I am sure it was just pretending, but you could think it was kind of about her. I bet that made her feel good. I worry about her but she does have a job to fall back on.
Hey, did you ever wonder what they do with their paychecks when they aren’t doing their regular jobs, but are running for President? I bet it all goes to charity! Well the Democrats for sure. They always want to give money to the needy. I think they would work for free to be honest. Just so they could help the little people! They are so good and pure. I don’t think Republicans do that. They are sort of mean and never want to help. I think that is the real reason we all pay taxes, because Republicans won’t share.
Look at Caroline Kennedy, a Democrat, who works for FREE! She wants kids to be smart and to be able to speak well, use proper English and sound intelligent. She is a role model who is probably a great speaker like her dad. I bet she gives a lot of her money away too. She has a lot that was given to her from her family. She didn’t have to work for it, so it is a good thing she isn’t one of those stingy Republicans! Maybe the young man from Illinois will give her a really important job to do. Won’t that be exciting to have another Kennedy helping us? I would love to hear her give a big long speech. Wouldn’t that be something to hear her speak for hours!
One of her cousins is very busy with global warming. He likes to do environmental stuff for all of us, so we will not walk outside and burst into flames. I am serious, that is how bad things are! Somebody wanted to put power generating windmills close to his house but that was a bad idea. I don’t know what was bad about it but if he said so then I believe it! You can believe all the Kennedy’s. They do not tell lies.