Can you imagine what a Conservative would do with this!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
He Won! Hope Abounds!
YEAH! He won and hope and change and all of that is at hand! I cannot believe I wanted that lady to win, what was I thinking? The Republican guy is sort of sad next to him. He is a war hero and to tell you the truth he is not a real Republican. You can tell by what he has done as a Senator. He liked to poke bad George in the eye from time to time. The television people used to love him too, like the lady who brought me to the Village. They dumped him just as fast as they dumped her. The young man from Illinois took their places. He has the highest IQ of anybody who has ever run for office. He has passed more laws and done more good than any other candidate. He rose to prominence in the crookedest state in America, but walked above all of that and was never involved in those dealings. He has a vision for new hope and change for us. I THINK HE KEPT ALL OF IT A SECRET SO OTHER POLITICIANS WON’T STEAL HIS IDEAS! He wants to surprise us. Republicans who already hate black people and change try to make fun of this. Well, we trust him. And no one who speaks like him would lie to the voters. He embodies all that is good and pure and holy in America. His wife is like that too and so are his children. They make us feel good and have good thoughts. They are against evil things and only want to help people on Main Street. Isn’t that cool! He is the people's President and not a regular politician. No other candidate has ever loved his wife like he loves his wife. I think soon, not only schools and roads will be named after them, but also churches and other holy things. Every decision he makes will be the right decision. Every law or bill he signs will be the perfect bill and the perfect law. Every speech he makes leaves me feeling safe and secure. He knows that most of us need help and understanding. He sees the big picture! He had to be elected. The TV and radio people who don’t like him pick at small stuff. For instance, just what is the change you are talking about? He does not have to tell them anything. They are just trying to trap him, trick him, and make something ugly out of this beautiful time. They want it all ugly and plain. We don’t care about details we only care about his words.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Bromance
They love us little people. I bet they would let us live with them if they could. They have a lot of houses but not enough room. I just wish all the Kennedy’s would get jobs. No, not like us, they are special! You know what I meant! I am getting one of my headaches. Talking about facts will do that to me every time. Hey, I feel like an actor saying all the smart stuff I just said. Wait, I am telling my son, the one who wants to be a professional skateboarder. You should hear him laugh. Especially after I said I was smart. Being a father makes me feel good at times like this. He is calling his friends to tell them what I said. I think he must be very proud! I can even hear his sister laughing now; this is good quality family time.
I have been watching the debates. I have a headache. I cannot understand the answers so it must be that the moderator can’t ask questions. The nice lady who was supposed to win easily seems surprised. She keeps talking about his lack of experience but he keeps winning! I make believe I understand all of it when my son asks me what is going on. After I tell him he does this snorting thing and then he calls his uncle. He said he is not laughing and I believe him. He is going to be a professional skate boarder. The Republican guys are dull. They don’t want change you can tell. They want business’s to grow and they want to cut taxes. That isn’t change! We don’t know what it is, but we know what it isn’t, that is for sure! That young man from Illinois makes me feel good. Feeling good is important. Especially since we need help and he knows it. We are like children and the government is like mom and dad. See! I said that earlier about the Village, do you remember? Most of us are really not very important and never will be. Us parents know that. So we need someone to take care of us. Most of us will never be rich, it takes too much effort. Only a few can be Kennedy’s so that door is closed too. The Village leaders know we are not very smart and will never do much. We cannot be trusted with a lot of decisions or money. They really do know best. The wealthy people and big corporations only supply jobs. I kind of like the security of having things given to me. If you think about it and if all of us had the same things then all of us would feel good. I mean how much money does a person really need? You should have to give some of it to everybody else it is only fair. I like fairness. I feel better when everything is fair. I feel better about me. I don’t feel so bad about the things I have done, bad decisions or missed opportunities. Wealth can be shared and it hurts nobody.
Those people have more money than they need anyway. They would just buy a private jet or some dumb thing like that. They may buy boats and cars or whatever. All that does is cause some people on the job to have to work overtime! Well, yes those people would make more money but how does that help me? See what I mean about fairness? I have a headache, some of that made me think and I never like doing that. Please, I beg you. And Buddha, or Reverend Moon or any other god who will listen! I am sobbing as I type! I would be happy if after he is elected we never, never, never have another election! He can be our President forever! History is going to be made. I drink in every moment, every word, I watch every speech (Thank you for my Tivo and DVR!). I am on the phone constantly asking people to vote for him. I am sending him money and have missed three mortgage payments because this is more important than some dumb house payment to a greedy mortgage company! I am stealing yard signs that have the Republican guys name on it. I make fake phone calls pretending to be some well-known Republican who secretly backs my guy! I would do anything for him. Anything, is that clear?
ANYthing! To work for him or to be close to him, what is that like! The future of the world itself depended on this one moment in time. I cannot imagine an America without him! I will work for him; I would steal money to send to him if I had to! I would have lied or cheated and voted five times if I had to, that is how important this was! Oh God please, please, please don’t let him lose. That Governor from Alaska, why did they have to pick her! What if people like her more? She is young and pretty and that is not good. I did not expect this to happen, this is bad! I can’t breathe. But…he will know what to do.You know it occurred to me that he does not have much experience. He hasn’t been in the Senate very long either. But you know, that is kind of cool if you think about it. We can grow and learn together! And so what IF he makes a few mistakes? What’s the worst that can happen? Maybe we blow up an aspirin factory or some business’s close. We need to be liked again I think, don’t you? Isn’t it important that say, the French, like us again? If we are nice, like him, the terrorists won’t come. They will see him and his wife and they will know we don’t have to be bombed. We are changed; we embody hope and that is all they want too. They just want us to be nice and then they will be nice too. All we need to do is let them hear his voice and listen to his words! When he sits down and talks to them they will all hug and then everything will be okay. World peace will come to us in his shadow! No more pollution! Pure air! No more hurricanes devastating the coast. No child starving in Iowa! No home torn from the grasp of a family who could not afford the mortgage payments they took out! Homeless men and illegal immigrants walking hand in hand, unafraid of arrest! Not one more worker killed on the job because some company bought a private jet instead of a safety device that would have saved his life!
The hundreds of bridges near collapse, the highways that are seconds from being sinkholes will be fixed. No more coal billowing its smoky death into our air! No more incandescent bulbs raping our planet! No more SUV’s or Mini-vans condemning Mother Earth to a barren existence! Not another tree torn from its ancient roots! Stem cell research that will cure diseases, gleaned from an apple of all things! I repeat, for the second time, duh, it’s only an apple stupid! Each of us having what we deserve regardless of whether we work for it! Fairness! Taking money from people who have plenty and can afford it! I am so excited as Election Day grows near. America is about to change and it is about time. I don’t exactly know what is going to happen. I just know it is past due!
He danced on TV. Did you see him move? Have you seen his smile? He plays basketball! His smile is so, so, words just fail me when I think of that smile!
He has got to win!
I have been watching the debates. I have a headache. I cannot understand the answers so it must be that the moderator can’t ask questions. The nice lady who was supposed to win easily seems surprised. She keeps talking about his lack of experience but he keeps winning! I make believe I understand all of it when my son asks me what is going on. After I tell him he does this snorting thing and then he calls his uncle. He said he is not laughing and I believe him. He is going to be a professional skate boarder. The Republican guys are dull. They don’t want change you can tell. They want business’s to grow and they want to cut taxes. That isn’t change! We don’t know what it is, but we know what it isn’t, that is for sure! That young man from Illinois makes me feel good. Feeling good is important. Especially since we need help and he knows it. We are like children and the government is like mom and dad. See! I said that earlier about the Village, do you remember? Most of us are really not very important and never will be. Us parents know that. So we need someone to take care of us. Most of us will never be rich, it takes too much effort. Only a few can be Kennedy’s so that door is closed too. The Village leaders know we are not very smart and will never do much. We cannot be trusted with a lot of decisions or money. They really do know best. The wealthy people and big corporations only supply jobs. I kind of like the security of having things given to me. If you think about it and if all of us had the same things then all of us would feel good. I mean how much money does a person really need? You should have to give some of it to everybody else it is only fair. I like fairness. I feel better when everything is fair. I feel better about me. I don’t feel so bad about the things I have done, bad decisions or missed opportunities. Wealth can be shared and it hurts nobody.
Those people have more money than they need anyway. They would just buy a private jet or some dumb thing like that. They may buy boats and cars or whatever. All that does is cause some people on the job to have to work overtime! Well, yes those people would make more money but how does that help me? See what I mean about fairness? I have a headache, some of that made me think and I never like doing that. Please, I beg you. And Buddha, or Reverend Moon or any other god who will listen! I am sobbing as I type! I would be happy if after he is elected we never, never, never have another election! He can be our President forever! History is going to be made. I drink in every moment, every word, I watch every speech (Thank you for my Tivo and DVR!). I am on the phone constantly asking people to vote for him. I am sending him money and have missed three mortgage payments because this is more important than some dumb house payment to a greedy mortgage company! I am stealing yard signs that have the Republican guys name on it. I make fake phone calls pretending to be some well-known Republican who secretly backs my guy! I would do anything for him. Anything, is that clear?
ANYthing! To work for him or to be close to him, what is that like! The future of the world itself depended on this one moment in time. I cannot imagine an America without him! I will work for him; I would steal money to send to him if I had to! I would have lied or cheated and voted five times if I had to, that is how important this was! Oh God please, please, please don’t let him lose. That Governor from Alaska, why did they have to pick her! What if people like her more? She is young and pretty and that is not good. I did not expect this to happen, this is bad! I can’t breathe. But…he will know what to do.You know it occurred to me that he does not have much experience. He hasn’t been in the Senate very long either. But you know, that is kind of cool if you think about it. We can grow and learn together! And so what IF he makes a few mistakes? What’s the worst that can happen? Maybe we blow up an aspirin factory or some business’s close. We need to be liked again I think, don’t you? Isn’t it important that say, the French, like us again? If we are nice, like him, the terrorists won’t come. They will see him and his wife and they will know we don’t have to be bombed. We are changed; we embody hope and that is all they want too. They just want us to be nice and then they will be nice too. All we need to do is let them hear his voice and listen to his words! When he sits down and talks to them they will all hug and then everything will be okay. World peace will come to us in his shadow! No more pollution! Pure air! No more hurricanes devastating the coast. No child starving in Iowa! No home torn from the grasp of a family who could not afford the mortgage payments they took out! Homeless men and illegal immigrants walking hand in hand, unafraid of arrest! Not one more worker killed on the job because some company bought a private jet instead of a safety device that would have saved his life!
The hundreds of bridges near collapse, the highways that are seconds from being sinkholes will be fixed. No more coal billowing its smoky death into our air! No more incandescent bulbs raping our planet! No more SUV’s or Mini-vans condemning Mother Earth to a barren existence! Not another tree torn from its ancient roots! Stem cell research that will cure diseases, gleaned from an apple of all things! I repeat, for the second time, duh, it’s only an apple stupid! Each of us having what we deserve regardless of whether we work for it! Fairness! Taking money from people who have plenty and can afford it! I am so excited as Election Day grows near. America is about to change and it is about time. I don’t exactly know what is going to happen. I just know it is past due!
He danced on TV. Did you see him move? Have you seen his smile? He plays basketball! His smile is so, so, words just fail me when I think of that smile!
He has got to win!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Political Insights from A Savvy Voter
It is getting close to the primaries. For you people who listen to talk radio that means we get to pick who runs for President. Yes, it is a little early but this election is the most important ever. And we might as well get it done. The lady who invited me to the Village is going to win the primary and then she will get elected President. After that all the problems we now face will be gone. She has been a U.S. Senator and if it wasn’t for the Republicans she could have already fixed everything. She is so smart! And she cares about us little people. I bet it would be fun to have her over for dinner. She is just like us! I think she would like it too. We have so much in common! I have men in my family who can’t keep their hands off other women either! I wish she could be President forever!
A nice young man from Illinois is running too. Bless his heart he should save his money. LOL, (that is a computer word!) but you have to admire him for trying! He doesn’t have much experience so that will keep him from getting elected. It will be good practice for him anyway and hopefully it will make his people proud, well half of them anyway. I mean he is part black. But I have a lot of black friends. Well not a lot, they do not seem to like this part of the country. Did that sound bad, “they”? Saying the right thing is very important and saying the wrong thing is easy too. In the Village words are watched very closely.
Hate speech will not be tolerated (hear that talk radio guys?). I hope “they” was okay! I am worried now, what if someone thinks I meant something bad? I am going to apologize just in case. We apologize for everything in the Village. From Christopher Columbus to bad George we can‘t apologize enough. Good thing is the Village leaders keep finding stuff for us to apologize about. They are so nice! They love everybody and spend all of their lives trying to make life better for the little people.
Surprise! The young man is winning. It is funny how things change. Some of the people who helped the Village lady, the one who knew everything? Well, they now think maybe she is NOT the smartest person anymore, he is! Oh you should listen to him talk. It is very exciting. He talks about change and boy do we need that! Oh, I don’t think I should have said boy, do you? What if people take it wrong and get offended. I wish I could take that back! I will write letters to everybody and apologize. Then we will all feel better. When a person feels guilty about the things they say or what they think that might offend other people that is good. We need to know what everybody is thinking!
He said no more business as usual in Washington. No more politics as usual. I know that gets said all the time but you can tell by how he says it that he really means it. He will appoint everyday people, people like us, to important jobs. I mean he did not say that, but that may be what he meant. What is so exciting is that he never says exactly what the changes will be, so you can make it whatever you like. That makes me feel good. It is like when you buy a lottery ticket with a huge payoff and you get to pretend how you feel, then they draw numbers and you lose. But you feel great for a little bit.
How people feel is more importanat than what they do. I pretend he just gave me a good job and he just wants me to be happy and loved. When he talks I get, well to be honest, a thrill runs up the back of my leg. I have a man-crush! There, I said it! I have talked to other men in the Village and they say that too. Then we get kind of quiet until one of us starts talking about football. Or we punch each other in the shoulder.
I feel a little bit sorry for the lady though. I mean she had this thing won! Now they make fun of her on television. They did not used to do that at all! I wonder if that hurt her feelings? The television people loved her so much, but not as much anymore. They did a television show about a woman once too and she was the President. I am sure it was just pretending, but you could think it was kind of about her. I bet that made her feel good. I worry about her but she does have a job to fall back on.
Hey, did you ever wonder what they do with their paychecks when they aren’t doing their regular jobs, but are running for President? I bet it all goes to charity! Well the Democrats for sure. They always want to give money to the needy. I think they would work for free to be honest. Just so they could help the little people! They are so good and pure. I don’t think Republicans do that. They are sort of mean and never want to help. I think that is the real reason we all pay taxes, because Republicans won’t share.
Look at Caroline Kennedy, a Democrat, who works for FREE! She wants kids to be smart and to be able to speak well, use proper English and sound intelligent. She is a role model who is probably a great speaker like her dad. I bet she gives a lot of her money away too. She has a lot that was given to her from her family. She didn’t have to work for it, so it is a good thing she isn’t one of those stingy Republicans! Maybe the young man from Illinois will give her a really important job to do. Won’t that be exciting to have another Kennedy helping us? I would love to hear her give a big long speech. Wouldn’t that be something to hear her speak for hours!
One of her cousins is very busy with global warming. He likes to do environmental stuff for all of us, so we will not walk outside and burst into flames. I am serious, that is how bad things are! Somebody wanted to put power generating windmills close to his house but that was a bad idea. I don’t know what was bad about it but if he said so then I believe it! You can believe all the Kennedy’s. They do not tell lies.
A nice young man from Illinois is running too. Bless his heart he should save his money. LOL, (that is a computer word!) but you have to admire him for trying! He doesn’t have much experience so that will keep him from getting elected. It will be good practice for him anyway and hopefully it will make his people proud, well half of them anyway. I mean he is part black. But I have a lot of black friends. Well not a lot, they do not seem to like this part of the country. Did that sound bad, “they”? Saying the right thing is very important and saying the wrong thing is easy too. In the Village words are watched very closely.
Hate speech will not be tolerated (hear that talk radio guys?). I hope “they” was okay! I am worried now, what if someone thinks I meant something bad? I am going to apologize just in case. We apologize for everything in the Village. From Christopher Columbus to bad George we can‘t apologize enough. Good thing is the Village leaders keep finding stuff for us to apologize about. They are so nice! They love everybody and spend all of their lives trying to make life better for the little people.
Surprise! The young man is winning. It is funny how things change. Some of the people who helped the Village lady, the one who knew everything? Well, they now think maybe she is NOT the smartest person anymore, he is! Oh you should listen to him talk. It is very exciting. He talks about change and boy do we need that! Oh, I don’t think I should have said boy, do you? What if people take it wrong and get offended. I wish I could take that back! I will write letters to everybody and apologize. Then we will all feel better. When a person feels guilty about the things they say or what they think that might offend other people that is good. We need to know what everybody is thinking!
He said no more business as usual in Washington. No more politics as usual. I know that gets said all the time but you can tell by how he says it that he really means it. He will appoint everyday people, people like us, to important jobs. I mean he did not say that, but that may be what he meant. What is so exciting is that he never says exactly what the changes will be, so you can make it whatever you like. That makes me feel good. It is like when you buy a lottery ticket with a huge payoff and you get to pretend how you feel, then they draw numbers and you lose. But you feel great for a little bit.
How people feel is more importanat than what they do. I pretend he just gave me a good job and he just wants me to be happy and loved. When he talks I get, well to be honest, a thrill runs up the back of my leg. I have a man-crush! There, I said it! I have talked to other men in the Village and they say that too. Then we get kind of quiet until one of us starts talking about football. Or we punch each other in the shoulder.
I feel a little bit sorry for the lady though. I mean she had this thing won! Now they make fun of her on television. They did not used to do that at all! I wonder if that hurt her feelings? The television people loved her so much, but not as much anymore. They did a television show about a woman once too and she was the President. I am sure it was just pretending, but you could think it was kind of about her. I bet that made her feel good. I worry about her but she does have a job to fall back on.
Hey, did you ever wonder what they do with their paychecks when they aren’t doing their regular jobs, but are running for President? I bet it all goes to charity! Well the Democrats for sure. They always want to give money to the needy. I think they would work for free to be honest. Just so they could help the little people! They are so good and pure. I don’t think Republicans do that. They are sort of mean and never want to help. I think that is the real reason we all pay taxes, because Republicans won’t share.
Look at Caroline Kennedy, a Democrat, who works for FREE! She wants kids to be smart and to be able to speak well, use proper English and sound intelligent. She is a role model who is probably a great speaker like her dad. I bet she gives a lot of her money away too. She has a lot that was given to her from her family. She didn’t have to work for it, so it is a good thing she isn’t one of those stingy Republicans! Maybe the young man from Illinois will give her a really important job to do. Won’t that be exciting to have another Kennedy helping us? I would love to hear her give a big long speech. Wouldn’t that be something to hear her speak for hours!
One of her cousins is very busy with global warming. He likes to do environmental stuff for all of us, so we will not walk outside and burst into flames. I am serious, that is how bad things are! Somebody wanted to put power generating windmills close to his house but that was a bad idea. I don’t know what was bad about it but if he said so then I believe it! You can believe all the Kennedy’s. They do not tell lies.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Save US!
It’s almost tax time, which we really look forward to. Hopefully we can get enough to get the credit card people off our backs! I am laughing. We NEVER use that money to pay bills or dull stuff like open a savings account. It is sort of like Christmas in February! So we buy stuff we really need. Clothes and electronics! We get PAID for filing. We don’t make very much money but we always get back more money than my stupid brother-in-law who works as a plumber. He thinks he is so smart.
He told me I was wrong to buy my house and get the extra money. Like he is some sort of financial expert. Then he said I was stupid to take the credit cards and the equity loans for buying stuff we had to have. Like clothes and electronics. If he is so smart why do you think I get more money back than him? And mine is called earned income, just like he’s always saying his is called.
I wish they had “credit card payments stamps!” People are jealous of the Village. Anything that happens in the Village eventually happens everywhere else. The lady who told me about the Village is going to be President soon everybody knows that. She is the smartest person in the world and everybody knows it.
I cannot believe it, I am refinancing my house already. I got enough to pay off the credit cards (right, like that‘s going to happen! I am laughing sooo hard. I bet you are too!) and something called an Adjustable Rate. I don’t know what that is but I think I will be able to adjust the rate if the payment gets too hard to make. And even better yet, I don’t have to make a payment for ninety days!
I was getting worried for a minute. Now I got a little breathing room before I have to go to work.
I am having trouble sleeping. I am really worried about climate change. All of this has me worried about my kids and what the future holds. Carbon dioxide and carbon caps. I have no idea what that stuff is but the guy that bad George stole the election from thinks all of us need to be worried. People in the village take him very seriously. Worrying is something we like to do in the Village. I listen to them and I have no idea what they are saying. I just nod my head and say, “Oh, yeah!”
I told you that it was unusually cold for this time of the year remember? They said the cold is part of global warming. I don’t understand that but if the Villager leaders say so, then it is. Even actors say that too! Actors are so smart about everything. They learn all of this stuff at acting college I bet.
They know about all kinds of facts and are so unselfish! Some of them even fly around in their own airplanes to warn us that the earth will be dead in no time. They are very smart and not ugly either. If you are ugly acting may not work well unless the movie calls for an ugly actor. I sure hope that was not wrong to say that! They are like the popular kids in school and can say anything they want. They really like to tell us about global warming.
They use a lot of words and facts. Most of it is way too depressing even if it doesn’t make any sense. I can’t say that because the other villagers would think I wasn’t like them. It is very important to be like the rest of the villagers. That is, after all, what makes us individuals; each and everyone of us thinking alike! I get nervous when people talk differently and have other ideas.
That is why when I go see my bother-in- law I have to be careful. He listens to talk radio and that is frowned on in the Village. I have this thing I do if he starts making too much sense. I leave the room.
Making sense is frowned on in the Village. Sometimes I will just say, “Well, they all get their talking points from the White House!” I don’t know what that means but I heard a guy on VNN say it. I think when the lady who told me about the Village gets in power, those men on the radio are going to have to find another way to defend polluters and corporations.
I think they may even have to find new jobs! I listened to one guy but the stuff he said made me think and then I got a headache. Since then I have put thinking way down on my list of stuff I need to do. Besides, I have the Village and the leaders. They make it so you don’t have to do a lot of thinking.
He told me I was wrong to buy my house and get the extra money. Like he is some sort of financial expert. Then he said I was stupid to take the credit cards and the equity loans for buying stuff we had to have. Like clothes and electronics. If he is so smart why do you think I get more money back than him? And mine is called earned income, just like he’s always saying his is called.
I wish they had “credit card payments stamps!” People are jealous of the Village. Anything that happens in the Village eventually happens everywhere else. The lady who told me about the Village is going to be President soon everybody knows that. She is the smartest person in the world and everybody knows it.
I cannot believe it, I am refinancing my house already. I got enough to pay off the credit cards (right, like that‘s going to happen! I am laughing sooo hard. I bet you are too!) and something called an Adjustable Rate. I don’t know what that is but I think I will be able to adjust the rate if the payment gets too hard to make. And even better yet, I don’t have to make a payment for ninety days!
I was getting worried for a minute. Now I got a little breathing room before I have to go to work.
I am having trouble sleeping. I am really worried about climate change. All of this has me worried about my kids and what the future holds. Carbon dioxide and carbon caps. I have no idea what that stuff is but the guy that bad George stole the election from thinks all of us need to be worried. People in the village take him very seriously. Worrying is something we like to do in the Village. I listen to them and I have no idea what they are saying. I just nod my head and say, “Oh, yeah!”
I told you that it was unusually cold for this time of the year remember? They said the cold is part of global warming. I don’t understand that but if the Villager leaders say so, then it is. Even actors say that too! Actors are so smart about everything. They learn all of this stuff at acting college I bet.
They know about all kinds of facts and are so unselfish! Some of them even fly around in their own airplanes to warn us that the earth will be dead in no time. They are very smart and not ugly either. If you are ugly acting may not work well unless the movie calls for an ugly actor. I sure hope that was not wrong to say that! They are like the popular kids in school and can say anything they want. They really like to tell us about global warming.
They use a lot of words and facts. Most of it is way too depressing even if it doesn’t make any sense. I can’t say that because the other villagers would think I wasn’t like them. It is very important to be like the rest of the villagers. That is, after all, what makes us individuals; each and everyone of us thinking alike! I get nervous when people talk differently and have other ideas.
That is why when I go see my bother-in- law I have to be careful. He listens to talk radio and that is frowned on in the Village. I have this thing I do if he starts making too much sense. I leave the room.
Making sense is frowned on in the Village. Sometimes I will just say, “Well, they all get their talking points from the White House!” I don’t know what that means but I heard a guy on VNN say it. I think when the lady who told me about the Village gets in power, those men on the radio are going to have to find another way to defend polluters and corporations.
I think they may even have to find new jobs! I listened to one guy but the stuff he said made me think and then I got a headache. Since then I have put thinking way down on my list of stuff I need to do. Besides, I have the Village and the leaders. They make it so you don’t have to do a lot of thinking.
We Deserve It!
We don’t even get a power or gas bill anymore. They just pay it for us. I love the Village! The Village leaders told us that the utility companies are poisoning the water and polar bears are dead just from swimming in that water! Big corporations dump paint and old chemicals on the North Pole to save money. Serves them right to have to pay our power bill don’t you think?
We only have to stand in that line once a year to get our eligibility renewed. They try to find ways to disqualify us on income. They are so greedy, don’t you think? I think everybody ought to get free power. It’s in the Bill of Rights! Sometime we make money off of yard sales and other stuff. We just don’t have to report it. Sometimes we work for cash and that is excellent. Then we go to Outback. I wish they took food stamps!
Food stamps are sometimes like cash. But you have to be careful doing that because people will tell on you. I don’t like the lines there. And they only have basic cable. They have awful magazines too. In the Village they have ads that ask you to come and get food stamps. That is really good service. That is so generous of the Post Office to give us those food stamps.
We did a whoops early on and reported some of our neighbor kids as our own children! But if they have to advertise to give them away this will help them don’t you think? The more we use the less they will have to advertise! So it’s not like we are cheating is it? So they will not have to spend as much advertising, right? So we saved them money by over reporting how many kids we have.
Gosh, I love the Village! Some places let you buy beer, wine or even cigarettes with food stamps. They aren’t supposed to but when you think about it people drink beer and wine with food so it only makes sense that you can buy them. And my wife always wants a cigarette after eating, so again it’s only logical.
One of the Village leaders said it was in the Declaration of Independence. Bad George and his friends don’t believe in the Declaration of Independence. I read that in People magazine at the hospital waiting room. Or it was on VNN? Either way they have no reason to lie do they?
Churches will give you food but they want to pray with you and then sing a hymn. And you have to take what they put in the box. Jesus would let you order what you wanted to eat. It’s in the bible I think. We’ve NEVER gotten fish from a church. Jesus liked fish!
We only have to stand in that line once a year to get our eligibility renewed. They try to find ways to disqualify us on income. They are so greedy, don’t you think? I think everybody ought to get free power. It’s in the Bill of Rights! Sometime we make money off of yard sales and other stuff. We just don’t have to report it. Sometimes we work for cash and that is excellent. Then we go to Outback. I wish they took food stamps!
Food stamps are sometimes like cash. But you have to be careful doing that because people will tell on you. I don’t like the lines there. And they only have basic cable. They have awful magazines too. In the Village they have ads that ask you to come and get food stamps. That is really good service. That is so generous of the Post Office to give us those food stamps.
We did a whoops early on and reported some of our neighbor kids as our own children! But if they have to advertise to give them away this will help them don’t you think? The more we use the less they will have to advertise! So it’s not like we are cheating is it? So they will not have to spend as much advertising, right? So we saved them money by over reporting how many kids we have.
Gosh, I love the Village! Some places let you buy beer, wine or even cigarettes with food stamps. They aren’t supposed to but when you think about it people drink beer and wine with food so it only makes sense that you can buy them. And my wife always wants a cigarette after eating, so again it’s only logical.
One of the Village leaders said it was in the Declaration of Independence. Bad George and his friends don’t believe in the Declaration of Independence. I read that in People magazine at the hospital waiting room. Or it was on VNN? Either way they have no reason to lie do they?
Churches will give you food but they want to pray with you and then sing a hymn. And you have to take what they put in the box. Jesus would let you order what you wanted to eat. It’s in the bible I think. We’ve NEVER gotten fish from a church. Jesus liked fish!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Whats My Line!
Yes, but the Village would live another day!
I get home to find that I have a sick child. We will have to go see the family doctor. I get her into the car and head for the doctor’s office. We have found that you really don’t have to have insurance to get care. You just have to be willing to wait. I call my friends at the hospital (we call it the doctors office, our family doctor!) “the line people.” We have gotten used to lines. Food stamps and government assistance requires a lot of waiting. I am so glad they have cable at those places. Once you get used to standing in line, it makes the next place or the next time you have to wait that much easier. Besides, when you finally get to the front of the line, you get free stuff. Free! Free food stamps or coupons or a shot or some cheese or a check! It’s kind of like you get paid for being a line person! When you get good at it, you can even get paid for blood! But you have to wait your turn! The Village leaders have a lot of money. So I feel good when I get mine! Those rich people are friends with evil George and the corporations. They will be sorry when the nice lady who told me about the Village gets his job! Rich people don’t like to wait. That is why they have first class and country clubs. Rich people don’t pay taxes because they have accountants and lawyers who show them how to avoid taxes. The Village leaders have found out how to get the money they hide! Besides, how much money do they need anyway? It’s only fair that they share it with those of us who are less fortunate. Any way we are at the Emergency Room. We call it the doctor’s office. They are so nice. They do everything for free! We have never gotten a bill! The best part is when you go you don’t have to wait later to get tests and scans. They do them that day! I told you waiting was a good thing! While you wait you can watch television or eat at the cafeteria or one of the fast food places in the lobby. It is sort of like being at the mall except you get medicine. What you do is take turns so if your name gets called you can call others on the cell phone and they will hurry back to go inside to see the doctor. Sometimes the cell phone doesn’t work inside so you have to page them. You can make it fun! I pretend I am a doctor and we just laugh and laugh!
Well, we are back home. That only took five hours but my little one is feeling great. Plus, guess what? We all got flu shots! And they just opened a pizza buffet at the hospital. It was awesome! Plus they take credit cards. Paying for food with credit cards is sort of like eating for free! We had to wait in line for the buffet but it was worth it. Being sick CAN be fun! Did you know that you could get power and gas for free? Well, you can. Free, I don’t know how they do it but it’s sure nice of them. Well all of us know that they make billions of dollars anyway. I think it’s in the Constitution that they have to help.
I get home to find that I have a sick child. We will have to go see the family doctor. I get her into the car and head for the doctor’s office. We have found that you really don’t have to have insurance to get care. You just have to be willing to wait. I call my friends at the hospital (we call it the doctors office, our family doctor!) “the line people.” We have gotten used to lines. Food stamps and government assistance requires a lot of waiting. I am so glad they have cable at those places. Once you get used to standing in line, it makes the next place or the next time you have to wait that much easier. Besides, when you finally get to the front of the line, you get free stuff. Free! Free food stamps or coupons or a shot or some cheese or a check! It’s kind of like you get paid for being a line person! When you get good at it, you can even get paid for blood! But you have to wait your turn! The Village leaders have a lot of money. So I feel good when I get mine! Those rich people are friends with evil George and the corporations. They will be sorry when the nice lady who told me about the Village gets his job! Rich people don’t like to wait. That is why they have first class and country clubs. Rich people don’t pay taxes because they have accountants and lawyers who show them how to avoid taxes. The Village leaders have found out how to get the money they hide! Besides, how much money do they need anyway? It’s only fair that they share it with those of us who are less fortunate. Any way we are at the Emergency Room. We call it the doctor’s office. They are so nice. They do everything for free! We have never gotten a bill! The best part is when you go you don’t have to wait later to get tests and scans. They do them that day! I told you waiting was a good thing! While you wait you can watch television or eat at the cafeteria or one of the fast food places in the lobby. It is sort of like being at the mall except you get medicine. What you do is take turns so if your name gets called you can call others on the cell phone and they will hurry back to go inside to see the doctor. Sometimes the cell phone doesn’t work inside so you have to page them. You can make it fun! I pretend I am a doctor and we just laugh and laugh!
Well, we are back home. That only took five hours but my little one is feeling great. Plus, guess what? We all got flu shots! And they just opened a pizza buffet at the hospital. It was awesome! Plus they take credit cards. Paying for food with credit cards is sort of like eating for free! We had to wait in line for the buffet but it was worth it. Being sick CAN be fun! Did you know that you could get power and gas for free? Well, you can. Free, I don’t know how they do it but it’s sure nice of them. Well all of us know that they make billions of dollars anyway. I think it’s in the Constitution that they have to help.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
An Inconvienent Truth - Buying A Car The Governement Endorsed
I was wondering about what a web cam does. I thought about that awhile but I got a headache.
I think a new car will make it stop. I turned on my really big TV set so I could find a car. I went to a car place once but it gave me a headache. That is the worst part of buying a car. I know I will have to go there to actually buy it. I am going to ask the Village leaders to fix this somehow. They like to fix things for us in the Village. The Village people really shouldn't be bothered by anything!
The Village leaders know what is best for us. They want to protect us from CEO’s and bosses who make a lot of money and cheat us. I was going to ask what a CEO was but it doesn’t matter because the Village leaders told me that they are bad. The Village leaders know best anyway. I know I have said that already but it is important that you know how much they care for the working people. I can’t wait to be working soon!
Wait; here is the car place I like! They are funny. They yell real loud and the salesmen do goofy things to make you want to buy. I am laughing real loud. One of the salesmen is dressed up like a lemon and the other salesmen chase him with tennis racquets and they were all dressed like Super Heroes!
I hear the owner now and he is doing like the guy on Charlies Angels and my mission is to come and get a car at below invoice prices! They will even show me the invoice. That is how honest they are in the Village. I don’t know what an invoice is, but I will look at it and wrinkle my forehead.
It’s a Lexus, made in America. I love General Motors. If they had a plant here in the Village I would want to work there. Sometimes the people who work making cars get mad and walk around with signs. I tried to read them once on the news but I did not know what they meant. I was in a bar and all the people were yelling and clapping. If they were happy then the signs had to be good, I think. VNN said that the car makers are bad and they just want to send the jobs out of America to China or Alabama.
One of the new Villagers said that the workers were greedy and that foreign car makers made better cars for less money. I was going to ask him about that but he did not stay long at the Village. I thought about what he said but it gave me a headache trying to figure out how somebody could build a car for less money than General Motors. That is just plain dumb, a car is a car! Look at potato chips . They are all two bags for five dollars. And potato chips are easier to make than a car.
I just found out a Lexus is not made by General Motors so I am buying a Buick. Then they show it. The C-20 SUV! Twelve passenger comfort, two 37” flip down DVD monitors, the 400 H.P. Triple Twin Magnum engine all sitting on 26” Chrome Devastator rims! The good thing is that the Superhero guys sell the C-20 SUV too! I am ready for the test drive. Ready does not describe the feeling. I am going to drive a C-20.This is the closest any non-pilot is ever going to get to a fighter plane!
I drag my wife and kids to the car and we make our way to the dealership. My palms are sweaty. This is a man’s domain (I am not supposed to say that, the Village leaders said that is sexist). I won’t say it anymore. I pull in and hit the parking lot before the car is even stopped. Getting to my feet I am eye to eye with Spiderman! He was in the commercial, I recognize him. My Spidey questions do not go over well with him.
I can hardly get the words out of my mouth; I have rehearsed this, line by line. I settle for “C-20” and point. “Sir,” says Spidey, “The Village leaders have asked our company to make Enviro-friendly cars. They see it now as well, patriotic, for citizens to buy them.” I see his lips moving and I am picking out words. Now I have to worry about global warming. The Village leaders don’t want us driving SUV’s and min-vans.
They don’t exactly stop us, but you can tell they are a bit put off by them. We only have a few years before the Earth burns up and I guess I need to help somehow. In amongst all he was saying, little of which I understand, I did hear, “C-21.” And I heard myself say, “Yes.”
They have this one that gets 47 miles to the gallon on the highway. It’s not very big. It’s like the size of a go-cart but you have doors and windows. The Village leaders said loyal Americans who want to delay the arrival of the day the Earth burns up ought to buy these cars. They believe it so much that they are going to outlaw big cars.
Well not all, they have to have them because they need to get to places fast and they carry so much government stuff they need more room. They have to ride on big planes to go to meetings too. Sometimes they have to go to islands and stuff to have meetings. They go a lot too. They just got back from a meeting on some island where they had to talk about CEO’s and how much money they steal.
I don’t remember much about the test drive. I recall being hunched over holding a childlike steering wheel while Spidey, who seemed to be sitting in my seat, “sold” me on the C-21. I saw an instrument on the dashboard. It was more of a rim than a dashboard. The instrument looked like a GPS. Spidey cut me off at the pass. “NAGS.” “NAGS?” “NAGS, Negative Activity Guidance System. It will tell you any time you are committing an environmentally unfriendly activity in the C-21. And it will tell you until you stop. As a matter of fact it continues reminding you just to keep you honest.”
I think I blacked out about there. I just bought our new car. The C-21. It costs more than the SUV I wanted, but the Village leaders know best. They said once they got rid of evil George we would have a chance to save Earth before it was too late. The man evil George stole the election from said this too. He has been forced to take a whole lot of money for saying the truth, poor guy! I am sure he will donate all of it to charity, some day soon! The kids made faces and would not ride in the car. The salesmen were all laughing as we drove off. I think they were shooting a commercial. I am sure that was what made them laugh. One of the Village leaders passed me going real fast.
At that point I remember Spidey had said something like, “Getting passed in the C-21 creates something like jet-wash.” It will take me awhile to get used to how this car handles. Some kids went past me on bicycles and gave me thumbs up. Then they laughed real loud, I love the Village! That made it worthwhile. It was really cold for this time of the year and the heater does not work very well.
Spidey said that this was how the car was designed. The big cars have too good of heaters and that is why the climate is changing. I had some questions I wanted to ask, but he sounded very certain of this. I started to get a headache and it’s better to just go along you know? Besides I found out that the Charley’s Angel’s guy is a brother-in-law to a Village leader. He sells a lot of the cars to the Village leaders that they have to drive. Mainly the C-20!
I thought how nice it was of him to sell those big cars he doesn’t like, just to help out our country! And on top of that our leaders have to ride around with those heaters that work but heat up the planet!
The salesman told me to be really careful when I turned on the air conditioning. Never do it if I ever get a chance to pass anybody. Ever get a chance? Do not use it on hills, inclines, ramps or if I have two or more people in the car. Never turn it on if the car is idling for longer than five minutes. Never use it at the same time I use the turn signals or windshield wipers. I told my son that, the one who is going to be a professional skate boarder; he called me a dork. Then he and the other skateboarders laughed really loud. I could hear then really well because the car isn’t very well insulated from outside noise. I turned the radio up real loud to drown them out but the car died when I did that. That made them laugh more and the youngest and littlest skateboarder called me a dork again.
I think I heard my wife laugh this time too, but the cars honking at me as I sat in the roadway drowned it out. A sense of pride that only those who fight climate change can understand swept over me. Inconvenient truth? Yes, but the Village would live another day!
I think a new car will make it stop. I turned on my really big TV set so I could find a car. I went to a car place once but it gave me a headache. That is the worst part of buying a car. I know I will have to go there to actually buy it. I am going to ask the Village leaders to fix this somehow. They like to fix things for us in the Village. The Village people really shouldn't be bothered by anything!
The Village leaders know what is best for us. They want to protect us from CEO’s and bosses who make a lot of money and cheat us. I was going to ask what a CEO was but it doesn’t matter because the Village leaders told me that they are bad. The Village leaders know best anyway. I know I have said that already but it is important that you know how much they care for the working people. I can’t wait to be working soon!
Wait; here is the car place I like! They are funny. They yell real loud and the salesmen do goofy things to make you want to buy. I am laughing real loud. One of the salesmen is dressed up like a lemon and the other salesmen chase him with tennis racquets and they were all dressed like Super Heroes!
I hear the owner now and he is doing like the guy on Charlies Angels and my mission is to come and get a car at below invoice prices! They will even show me the invoice. That is how honest they are in the Village. I don’t know what an invoice is, but I will look at it and wrinkle my forehead.
It’s a Lexus, made in America. I love General Motors. If they had a plant here in the Village I would want to work there. Sometimes the people who work making cars get mad and walk around with signs. I tried to read them once on the news but I did not know what they meant. I was in a bar and all the people were yelling and clapping. If they were happy then the signs had to be good, I think. VNN said that the car makers are bad and they just want to send the jobs out of America to China or Alabama.
One of the new Villagers said that the workers were greedy and that foreign car makers made better cars for less money. I was going to ask him about that but he did not stay long at the Village. I thought about what he said but it gave me a headache trying to figure out how somebody could build a car for less money than General Motors. That is just plain dumb, a car is a car! Look at potato chips . They are all two bags for five dollars. And potato chips are easier to make than a car.
I just found out a Lexus is not made by General Motors so I am buying a Buick. Then they show it. The C-20 SUV! Twelve passenger comfort, two 37” flip down DVD monitors, the 400 H.P. Triple Twin Magnum engine all sitting on 26” Chrome Devastator rims! The good thing is that the Superhero guys sell the C-20 SUV too! I am ready for the test drive. Ready does not describe the feeling. I am going to drive a C-20.This is the closest any non-pilot is ever going to get to a fighter plane!
I drag my wife and kids to the car and we make our way to the dealership. My palms are sweaty. This is a man’s domain (I am not supposed to say that, the Village leaders said that is sexist). I won’t say it anymore. I pull in and hit the parking lot before the car is even stopped. Getting to my feet I am eye to eye with Spiderman! He was in the commercial, I recognize him. My Spidey questions do not go over well with him.
I can hardly get the words out of my mouth; I have rehearsed this, line by line. I settle for “C-20” and point. “Sir,” says Spidey, “The Village leaders have asked our company to make Enviro-friendly cars. They see it now as well, patriotic, for citizens to buy them.” I see his lips moving and I am picking out words. Now I have to worry about global warming. The Village leaders don’t want us driving SUV’s and min-vans.
They don’t exactly stop us, but you can tell they are a bit put off by them. We only have a few years before the Earth burns up and I guess I need to help somehow. In amongst all he was saying, little of which I understand, I did hear, “C-21.” And I heard myself say, “Yes.”
They have this one that gets 47 miles to the gallon on the highway. It’s not very big. It’s like the size of a go-cart but you have doors and windows. The Village leaders said loyal Americans who want to delay the arrival of the day the Earth burns up ought to buy these cars. They believe it so much that they are going to outlaw big cars.
Well not all, they have to have them because they need to get to places fast and they carry so much government stuff they need more room. They have to ride on big planes to go to meetings too. Sometimes they have to go to islands and stuff to have meetings. They go a lot too. They just got back from a meeting on some island where they had to talk about CEO’s and how much money they steal.
I don’t remember much about the test drive. I recall being hunched over holding a childlike steering wheel while Spidey, who seemed to be sitting in my seat, “sold” me on the C-21. I saw an instrument on the dashboard. It was more of a rim than a dashboard. The instrument looked like a GPS. Spidey cut me off at the pass. “NAGS.” “NAGS?” “NAGS, Negative Activity Guidance System. It will tell you any time you are committing an environmentally unfriendly activity in the C-21. And it will tell you until you stop. As a matter of fact it continues reminding you just to keep you honest.”
I think I blacked out about there. I just bought our new car. The C-21. It costs more than the SUV I wanted, but the Village leaders know best. They said once they got rid of evil George we would have a chance to save Earth before it was too late. The man evil George stole the election from said this too. He has been forced to take a whole lot of money for saying the truth, poor guy! I am sure he will donate all of it to charity, some day soon! The kids made faces and would not ride in the car. The salesmen were all laughing as we drove off. I think they were shooting a commercial. I am sure that was what made them laugh. One of the Village leaders passed me going real fast.
At that point I remember Spidey had said something like, “Getting passed in the C-21 creates something like jet-wash.” It will take me awhile to get used to how this car handles. Some kids went past me on bicycles and gave me thumbs up. Then they laughed real loud, I love the Village! That made it worthwhile. It was really cold for this time of the year and the heater does not work very well.
Spidey said that this was how the car was designed. The big cars have too good of heaters and that is why the climate is changing. I had some questions I wanted to ask, but he sounded very certain of this. I started to get a headache and it’s better to just go along you know? Besides I found out that the Charley’s Angel’s guy is a brother-in-law to a Village leader. He sells a lot of the cars to the Village leaders that they have to drive. Mainly the C-20!
I thought how nice it was of him to sell those big cars he doesn’t like, just to help out our country! And on top of that our leaders have to ride around with those heaters that work but heat up the planet!
The salesman told me to be really careful when I turned on the air conditioning. Never do it if I ever get a chance to pass anybody. Ever get a chance? Do not use it on hills, inclines, ramps or if I have two or more people in the car. Never turn it on if the car is idling for longer than five minutes. Never use it at the same time I use the turn signals or windshield wipers. I told my son that, the one who is going to be a professional skate boarder; he called me a dork. Then he and the other skateboarders laughed really loud. I could hear then really well because the car isn’t very well insulated from outside noise. I turned the radio up real loud to drown them out but the car died when I did that. That made them laugh more and the youngest and littlest skateboarder called me a dork again.
I think I heard my wife laugh this time too, but the cars honking at me as I sat in the roadway drowned it out. A sense of pride that only those who fight climate change can understand swept over me. Inconvenient truth? Yes, but the Village would live another day!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Village Economics
I invested half of the extra mortgage money with a man named Bernie and the other half in Fannie and Freddie based on what a man named Barney said. Hey! Bernie and Barney! You can’t go wrong following investment advice from the Village leaders. They said once I got a job the payments would be really easy to make.
I think the Village business’s really liked that too. They seemed to have fun too, as there was a lot of laughing as they ran the credit cards. The Village has a lot of laughter. Everybody is having fun!
Well, with one exception. Most of them seem mad at George. We hear that a lot. George is not a nice man. He is not like Fannie and Freddie and the nice lady who told us about the Village. He is mean and does not like the Village. It scares the kids because he bombs villagers in other places. That is what it says on the Village news channels, VNN, MSVBC and The Village Times, our newspaper. They too like the lady who told us about the Village. They want her to make bad George go away!
Two other nice men the Village liked tried to make him go away but one time he cheated and stole the election from the first good man! George’s friends try to tell us other stuff. We don’t pay a lot of attention to that. We know that VNN will tell us what is happening and keep us smart villagers. I told the man at the bank this and he just laughed! Everybody in the Village has fun! When you are having fun who wants to listen to people who say, “You shouldn’t do that! Or, “You better be careful, there is a housing bubble!” That is silly! How can a bubble be a house?
VNN is right; some people just don’t like the Village! I told my family not to listen to that foolishness! On the radio are some really mean men and they say bad things about our Village leaders. They are friends of bad George! They make fun of Villagers and the lady who told us about the Village. I heard them talking bad about stem cell research. How stupid of them to make so much fuss about an apple!
They don’t even like Fannie and Freddie! How could anybody not like them? I think they may even like CEO’s! I’m not sure what that is but VNN and the Village leaders said they are bad. They (those mean radio men!) use big words and numbers that confuse my wife and me so we stopped listening. They talked about equity and it made no sense to us! They said stuff like debt to income ratio and it gave me one of those sick headaches I get from time to time! When that happens buying something makes me feel better!
The Village has lots of places that will give you credit cards. I love the Village! They want you happy and they don’t bother you with a lot of big words and numbers. They just laughed when I asked them about credit limits and debt to income ratio. So I laughed too! The Village is full of laughter! I decided to open a saving account but at the time I didn’t have the money. “No money?” said the Village bank, and just laughed. “We can loan you money to put in the saving account.”
Wow! I love the Village! My son, who wants to be a professional skate boarder, asked me if I could make money on the savings account doing that. I got a headache reading all those documents and just told him yes. When he gets paid as a professional skate boarder he will do that too! He said how smart I was and then he laughed real hard. I told you the Village was fun! He laughs every time he asks about the savings account. I told you the Village was good for them. That’s called bonding. I have nice things and now I have a savings account. When I get a job can you imagine how good things will be then?
My daughter now has a home business. I had to buy her a web cam for her PC, well after I bought a new computer. I was going to ask her what happened to the laptop but that gave me a headache.
I was watching Parental Control on my really big TV set. My son’s girlfriend makes me want to go on that show. The nice man on TV even gave us an LCD TV and a printer! He said we didn’t even need good credit! I love the Village! All we needed was a checking account. So I took money out of my savings account and opened a checking account. The people at the bank just laughed and laughed. It felt good to make them laugh! They told me not to worry. I signed a paper and just like that the money was back in my savings account. They call that a supplemental loan. I do not know what that means but I do know I bought something and have more money now than I did when I bought the computer. So if you think about it, I got the computer for free.
When I told my son, the one who wants to be a professional skate boarder, he just laughed and laughed real hard. He almost got sick. A free computer really made him happy! My daughter gets to work out of her room. She said she gets paid to just be in her room! I was wondering about what a web cam does. I thought about that awhile but I got a headache.
I think the Village business’s really liked that too. They seemed to have fun too, as there was a lot of laughing as they ran the credit cards. The Village has a lot of laughter. Everybody is having fun!
Well, with one exception. Most of them seem mad at George. We hear that a lot. George is not a nice man. He is not like Fannie and Freddie and the nice lady who told us about the Village. He is mean and does not like the Village. It scares the kids because he bombs villagers in other places. That is what it says on the Village news channels, VNN, MSVBC and The Village Times, our newspaper. They too like the lady who told us about the Village. They want her to make bad George go away!
Two other nice men the Village liked tried to make him go away but one time he cheated and stole the election from the first good man! George’s friends try to tell us other stuff. We don’t pay a lot of attention to that. We know that VNN will tell us what is happening and keep us smart villagers. I told the man at the bank this and he just laughed! Everybody in the Village has fun! When you are having fun who wants to listen to people who say, “You shouldn’t do that! Or, “You better be careful, there is a housing bubble!” That is silly! How can a bubble be a house?
VNN is right; some people just don’t like the Village! I told my family not to listen to that foolishness! On the radio are some really mean men and they say bad things about our Village leaders. They are friends of bad George! They make fun of Villagers and the lady who told us about the Village. I heard them talking bad about stem cell research. How stupid of them to make so much fuss about an apple!
They don’t even like Fannie and Freddie! How could anybody not like them? I think they may even like CEO’s! I’m not sure what that is but VNN and the Village leaders said they are bad. They (those mean radio men!) use big words and numbers that confuse my wife and me so we stopped listening. They talked about equity and it made no sense to us! They said stuff like debt to income ratio and it gave me one of those sick headaches I get from time to time! When that happens buying something makes me feel better!
The Village has lots of places that will give you credit cards. I love the Village! They want you happy and they don’t bother you with a lot of big words and numbers. They just laughed when I asked them about credit limits and debt to income ratio. So I laughed too! The Village is full of laughter! I decided to open a saving account but at the time I didn’t have the money. “No money?” said the Village bank, and just laughed. “We can loan you money to put in the saving account.”
Wow! I love the Village! My son, who wants to be a professional skate boarder, asked me if I could make money on the savings account doing that. I got a headache reading all those documents and just told him yes. When he gets paid as a professional skate boarder he will do that too! He said how smart I was and then he laughed real hard. I told you the Village was fun! He laughs every time he asks about the savings account. I told you the Village was good for them. That’s called bonding. I have nice things and now I have a savings account. When I get a job can you imagine how good things will be then?
My daughter now has a home business. I had to buy her a web cam for her PC, well after I bought a new computer. I was going to ask her what happened to the laptop but that gave me a headache.
I was watching Parental Control on my really big TV set. My son’s girlfriend makes me want to go on that show. The nice man on TV even gave us an LCD TV and a printer! He said we didn’t even need good credit! I love the Village! All we needed was a checking account. So I took money out of my savings account and opened a checking account. The people at the bank just laughed and laughed. It felt good to make them laugh! They told me not to worry. I signed a paper and just like that the money was back in my savings account. They call that a supplemental loan. I do not know what that means but I do know I bought something and have more money now than I did when I bought the computer. So if you think about it, I got the computer for free.
When I told my son, the one who wants to be a professional skate boarder, he just laughed and laughed real hard. He almost got sick. A free computer really made him happy! My daughter gets to work out of her room. She said she gets paid to just be in her room! I was wondering about what a web cam does. I thought about that awhile but I got a headache.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Early Days
Let me welcome you to the village. I am somewhat new myself and when I came there was no welcoming committee. They do not have anybody to explain how the Village runs or stuff like that. The Villager leaders don’t seem to want us worrying about those things. It is kind of like we just live here and they know what is best for the Village, them and us. I think that is nice of them myself. Having to figure out things on my own gives me a headache. If I have to listen I just pretend to know what they are talking about anyway. Otherwise I would have to put my fingers in my ears and scream real loud!
The Village leaders are a lot like having really cool parents, the kind who don’t say no. They really love the Village! So when we did not get a lot of information I did not take it personally. I think in the excitement to get started the leaders just overlooked this information thing. They are the ones who know what is going on anyway and it’s best if we just leave it alone. I first found out about this place from a nice lady who wanted to raise my kids. She said it took a Village.
She actually volunteered the whole village. I thought it was a great idea and we moved here without a lot of planning. Our kids were doing okay in school. My son has his mind set on being a professional skate boarder and my daughter has a job with a company called My Space. It is very secretive and we are not allowed to look at her company documents. They let her dress however she wants and this keeps her busy. She stays in her room all day working. She told us they have her money in something called a 401K. Her and my son just laughed and laughed when she said that. Already the Village has made them happier. I thought about that 401K for a while but it made me have a headache so I stopped.
I found a house we liked very much. We didn’t have any income at the time and being new in town had not gotten a job yet. The Village Mortgage Company told us that this wasn’t a problem and encouraged us to find that dream house. What nice people! They told us the Village leaders thought everybody ought to have a house. It’s in the Constitution they said. I looked for it but that made me feel carsick so I stopped reading. They kept mentioning Fannie and Freddie. I guessed that they are certainly respected leaders in the Village and I look forward to meeting them. I asked the banker if they were like rich uncles and when he stopped laughing he said yes. I was glad I made him happy.
Obviously they wanted us to have a house. Fanny may be some sort of nickname for the nice lady who prompted us to relocate.
She is so nice! Wanting not only to help us with the kids now she wants to help us get a house! The Village is such a happy place! It is like they don’t want you to have to bother thinking a lot. Thinking is just not good for us.
We found a huge house, the one we had always wanted but could not afford. It was too big, had too many rooms and we could not afford the monthly payments. Well, and to be honest, we really did not have very good credit. On top of that we had no down payment. We called the Village Mortgage Company and applied by phone. Wow! I did not even have to wait! Not only did they give us the mortgage they suggested a little extra to put in a pool and maybe go on vacation. I told them it was a little early to want a vacation, as I had not been to work yet.
They just laughed (I heard a lot of laughing in the background. The Village Mortgage people seemed to be having a very good time!) and said, “Don’t be silly Fannie and Freddie want you to have extra money!” They were so nice! I hope to meet them soon! So we took a loan out at 145% of the home value with no down payment! I really like the Village!
We bought some big screen television sets and surround sound systems. We bought a GPS for our SUV and IPOD’s for the KIDS! I bought a new PC. I bought a Wii for me and a PS3 for the KIDS! I bought laptops for the kids, my daughter needed a new one for her job at My Space. We bought digital cameras and these little frames that played the pictures like we were on TV! We bought cell phones that took pictures, played games, went to the Internet, played music, gave us directions and we could type messages all we wanted! They even played the pictures like we were on TV!
We shopped and shopped and shopped. Soon, tomorrow after we have rested, we will shop some more. We didn’t even have to use the extra money we got on the house. We got a call from The Village Credit Card Company and they gave us a credit card with a great big limit to buy stuff! The interest was a little high, but they were SO nice! I thought about the interest for a minute but I got a sick feeling in my stomach, so I just stopped thinking about it.
The Village leaders are a lot like having really cool parents, the kind who don’t say no. They really love the Village! So when we did not get a lot of information I did not take it personally. I think in the excitement to get started the leaders just overlooked this information thing. They are the ones who know what is going on anyway and it’s best if we just leave it alone. I first found out about this place from a nice lady who wanted to raise my kids. She said it took a Village.
She actually volunteered the whole village. I thought it was a great idea and we moved here without a lot of planning. Our kids were doing okay in school. My son has his mind set on being a professional skate boarder and my daughter has a job with a company called My Space. It is very secretive and we are not allowed to look at her company documents. They let her dress however she wants and this keeps her busy. She stays in her room all day working. She told us they have her money in something called a 401K. Her and my son just laughed and laughed when she said that. Already the Village has made them happier. I thought about that 401K for a while but it made me have a headache so I stopped.
I found a house we liked very much. We didn’t have any income at the time and being new in town had not gotten a job yet. The Village Mortgage Company told us that this wasn’t a problem and encouraged us to find that dream house. What nice people! They told us the Village leaders thought everybody ought to have a house. It’s in the Constitution they said. I looked for it but that made me feel carsick so I stopped reading. They kept mentioning Fannie and Freddie. I guessed that they are certainly respected leaders in the Village and I look forward to meeting them. I asked the banker if they were like rich uncles and when he stopped laughing he said yes. I was glad I made him happy.
Obviously they wanted us to have a house. Fanny may be some sort of nickname for the nice lady who prompted us to relocate.
She is so nice! Wanting not only to help us with the kids now she wants to help us get a house! The Village is such a happy place! It is like they don’t want you to have to bother thinking a lot. Thinking is just not good for us.
We found a huge house, the one we had always wanted but could not afford. It was too big, had too many rooms and we could not afford the monthly payments. Well, and to be honest, we really did not have very good credit. On top of that we had no down payment. We called the Village Mortgage Company and applied by phone. Wow! I did not even have to wait! Not only did they give us the mortgage they suggested a little extra to put in a pool and maybe go on vacation. I told them it was a little early to want a vacation, as I had not been to work yet.
They just laughed (I heard a lot of laughing in the background. The Village Mortgage people seemed to be having a very good time!) and said, “Don’t be silly Fannie and Freddie want you to have extra money!” They were so nice! I hope to meet them soon! So we took a loan out at 145% of the home value with no down payment! I really like the Village!
We bought some big screen television sets and surround sound systems. We bought a GPS for our SUV and IPOD’s for the KIDS! I bought a new PC. I bought a Wii for me and a PS3 for the KIDS! I bought laptops for the kids, my daughter needed a new one for her job at My Space. We bought digital cameras and these little frames that played the pictures like we were on TV! We bought cell phones that took pictures, played games, went to the Internet, played music, gave us directions and we could type messages all we wanted! They even played the pictures like we were on TV!
We shopped and shopped and shopped. Soon, tomorrow after we have rested, we will shop some more. We didn’t even have to use the extra money we got on the house. We got a call from The Village Credit Card Company and they gave us a credit card with a great big limit to buy stuff! The interest was a little high, but they were SO nice! I thought about the interest for a minute but I got a sick feeling in my stomach, so I just stopped thinking about it.
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