Save US!

It’s almost tax time, which we really look forward to. Hopefully we can get enough to get the credit card people off our backs! I am laughing. We NEVER use that money to pay bills or dull stuff like open a savings account. It is sort of like Christmas in February! So we buy stuff we really need. Clothes and electronics! We get PAID for filing. We don’t make very much money but we always get back more money than my stupid brother-in-law who works as a plumber. He thinks he is so smart.
He told me I was wrong to buy my house and get the extra money. Like he is some sort of financial expert. Then he said I was stupid to take the credit cards and the equity loans for buying stuff we had to have. Like clothes and electronics. If he is so smart why do you think I get more money back than him? And mine is called earned income, just like he’s always saying his is called.
I wish they had “credit card payments stamps!” People are jealous of the Village. Anything that happens in the Village eventually happens everywhere else. The lady who told me about the Village is going to be President soon everybody knows that. She is the smartest person in the world and everybody knows it.
I cannot believe it, I am refinancing my house already. I got enough to pay off the credit cards (right, like that‘s going to happen! I am laughing sooo hard. I bet you are too!) and something called an Adjustable Rate. I don’t know what that is but I think I will be able to adjust the rate if the payment gets too hard to make. And even better yet, I don’t have to make a payment for ninety days!
I was getting worried for a minute. Now I got a little breathing room before I have to go to work.
I am having trouble sleeping. I am really worried about climate change. All of this has me worried about my kids and what the future holds. Carbon dioxide and carbon caps. I have no idea what that stuff is but the guy that bad George stole the election from thinks all of us need to be worried. People in the village take him very seriously. Worrying is something we like to do in the Village. I listen to them and I have no idea what they are saying. I just nod my head and say, “Oh, yeah!”
I told you that it was unusually cold for this time of the year remember? They said the cold is part of global warming. I don’t understand that but if the Villager leaders say so, then it is. Even actors say that too! Actors are so smart about everything. They learn all of this stuff at acting college I bet.
They know about all kinds of facts and are so unselfish! Some of them even fly around in their own airplanes to warn us that the earth will be dead in no time. They are very smart and not ugly either. If you are ugly acting may not work well unless the movie calls for an ugly actor. I sure hope that was not wrong to say that! They are like the popular kids in school and can say anything they want. They really like to tell us about global warming.
They use a lot of words and facts. Most of it is way too depressing even if it doesn’t make any sense. I can’t say that because the other villagers would think I wasn’t like them. It is very important to be like the rest of the villagers. That is, after all, what makes us individuals; each and everyone of us thinking alike! I get nervous when people talk differently and have other ideas.
That is why when I go see my bother-in- law I have to be careful. He listens to talk radio and that is frowned on in the Village. I have this thing I do if he starts making too much sense. I leave the room.
Making sense is frowned on in the Village. Sometimes I will just say, “Well, they all get their talking points from the White House!” I don’t know what that means but I heard a guy on VNN say it. I think when the lady who told me about the Village gets in power, those men on the radio are going to have to find another way to defend polluters and corporations.
I think they may even have to find new jobs! I listened to one guy but the stuff he said made me think and then I got a headache. Since then I have put thinking way down on my list of stuff I need to do. Besides, I have the Village and the leaders. They make it so you don’t have to do a lot of thinking.

We Deserve It!

We don’t even get a power or gas bill anymore. They just pay it for us. I love the Village! The Village leaders told us that the utility companies are poisoning the water and polar bears are dead just from swimming in that water! Big corporations dump paint and old chemicals on the North Pole to save money. Serves them right to have to pay our power bill don’t you think?
We only have to stand in that line once a year to get our eligibility renewed. They try to find ways to disqualify us on income. They are so greedy, don’t you think? I think everybody ought to get free power. It’s in the Bill of Rights! Sometime we make money off of yard sales and other stuff. We just don’t have to report it. Sometimes we work for cash and that is excellent. Then we go to Outback. I wish they took food stamps!
Food stamps are sometimes like cash. But you have to be careful doing that because people will tell on you. I don’t like the lines there. And they only have basic cable. They have awful magazines too. In the Village they have ads that ask you to come and get food stamps. That is really good service. That is so generous of the Post Office to give us those food stamps.
We did a whoops early on and reported some of our neighbor kids as our own children! But if they have to advertise to give them away this will help them don’t you think? The more we use the less they will have to advertise! So it’s not like we are cheating is it? So they will not have to spend as much advertising, right? So we saved them money by over reporting how many kids we have.
Gosh, I love the Village! Some places let you buy beer, wine or even cigarettes with food stamps. They aren’t supposed to but when you think about it people drink beer and wine with food so it only makes sense that you can buy them. And my wife always wants a cigarette after eating, so again it’s only logical.
One of the Village leaders said it was in the Declaration of Independence. Bad George and his friends don’t believe in the Declaration of Independence. I read that in People magazine at the hospital waiting room. Or it was on VNN? Either way they have no reason to lie do they?
Churches will give you food but they want to pray with you and then sing a hymn. And you have to take what they put in the box. Jesus would let you order what you wanted to eat. It’s in the bible I think. We’ve NEVER gotten fish from a church. Jesus liked fish!