An Inconvienent Truth - Buying A Car The Governement Endorsed

I was wondering about what a web cam does. I thought about that awhile but I got a headache.
I think a new car will make it stop. I turned on my really big TV set so I could find a car. I went to a car place once but it gave me a headache. That is the worst part of buying a car. I know I will have to go there to actually buy it. I am going to ask the Village leaders to fix this somehow. They like to fix things for us in the Village. The Village people really shouldn't be bothered by anything!
The Village leaders know what is best for us. They want to protect us from CEO’s and bosses who make a lot of money and cheat us. I was going to ask what a CEO was but it doesn’t matter because the Village leaders told me that they are bad. The Village leaders know best anyway. I know I have said that already but it is important that you know how much they care for the working people. I can’t wait to be working soon!
Wait; here is the car place I like! They are funny. They yell real loud and the salesmen do goofy things to make you want to buy. I am laughing real loud. One of the salesmen is dressed up like a lemon and the other salesmen chase him with tennis racquets and they were all dressed like Super Heroes!
I hear the owner now and he is doing like the guy on Charlies Angels and my mission is to come and get a car at below invoice prices! They will even show me the invoice. That is how honest they are in the Village. I don’t know what an invoice is, but I will look at it and wrinkle my forehead.
It’s a Lexus, made in America. I love General Motors. If they had a plant here in the Village I would want to work there. Sometimes the people who work making cars get mad and walk around with signs. I tried to read them once on the news but I did not know what they meant. I was in a bar and all the people were yelling and clapping. If they were happy then the signs had to be good, I think. VNN said that the car makers are bad and they just want to send the jobs out of America to China or Alabama.
One of the new Villagers said that the workers were greedy and that foreign car makers made better cars for less money. I was going to ask him about that but he did not stay long at the Village. I thought about what he said but it gave me a headache trying to figure out how somebody could build a car for less money than General Motors. That is just plain dumb, a car is a car! Look at potato chips . They are all two bags for five dollars. And potato chips are easier to make than a car.
I just found out a Lexus is not made by General Motors so I am buying a Buick. Then they show it. The C-20 SUV! Twelve passenger comfort, two 37” flip down DVD monitors, the 400 H.P. Triple Twin Magnum engine all sitting on 26” Chrome Devastator rims! The good thing is that the Superhero guys sell the C-20 SUV too! I am ready for the test drive. Ready does not describe the feeling. I am going to drive a C-20.This is the closest any non-pilot is ever going to get to a fighter plane!
I drag my wife and kids to the car and we make our way to the dealership. My palms are sweaty. This is a man’s domain (I am not supposed to say that, the Village leaders said that is sexist). I won’t say it anymore. I pull in and hit the parking lot before the car is even stopped. Getting to my feet I am eye to eye with Spiderman! He was in the commercial, I recognize him. My Spidey questions do not go over well with him.
I can hardly get the words out of my mouth; I have rehearsed this, line by line. I settle for “C-20” and point. “Sir,” says Spidey, “The Village leaders have asked our company to make Enviro-friendly cars. They see it now as well, patriotic, for citizens to buy them.” I see his lips moving and I am picking out words. Now I have to worry about global warming. The Village leaders don’t want us driving SUV’s and min-vans.
They don’t exactly stop us, but you can tell they are a bit put off by them. We only have a few years before the Earth burns up and I guess I need to help somehow. In amongst all he was saying, little of which I understand, I did hear, “C-21.” And I heard myself say, “Yes.”
They have this one that gets 47 miles to the gallon on the highway. It’s not very big. It’s like the size of a go-cart but you have doors and windows. The Village leaders said loyal Americans who want to delay the arrival of the day the Earth burns up ought to buy these cars. They believe it so much that they are going to outlaw big cars.
Well not all, they have to have them because they need to get to places fast and they carry so much government stuff they need more room. They have to ride on big planes to go to meetings too. Sometimes they have to go to islands and stuff to have meetings. They go a lot too. They just got back from a meeting on some island where they had to talk about CEO’s and how much money they steal.
I don’t remember much about the test drive. I recall being hunched over holding a childlike steering wheel while Spidey, who seemed to be sitting in my seat, “sold” me on the C-21. I saw an instrument on the dashboard. It was more of a rim than a dashboard. The instrument looked like a GPS. Spidey cut me off at the pass. “NAGS.” “NAGS?” “NAGS, Negative Activity Guidance System. It will tell you any time you are committing an environmentally unfriendly activity in the C-21. And it will tell you until you stop. As a matter of fact it continues reminding you just to keep you honest.”
I think I blacked out about there. I just bought our new car. The C-21. It costs more than the SUV I wanted, but the Village leaders know best. They said once they got rid of evil George we would have a chance to save Earth before it was too late. The man evil George stole the election from said this too. He has been forced to take a whole lot of money for saying the truth, poor guy! I am sure he will donate all of it to charity, some day soon! The kids made faces and would not ride in the car. The salesmen were all laughing as we drove off. I think they were shooting a commercial. I am sure that was what made them laugh. One of the Village leaders passed me going real fast.
At that point I remember Spidey had said something like, “Getting passed in the C-21 creates something like jet-wash.” It will take me awhile to get used to how this car handles. Some kids went past me on bicycles and gave me thumbs up. Then they laughed real loud, I love the Village! That made it worthwhile. It was really cold for this time of the year and the heater does not work very well.
Spidey said that this was how the car was designed. The big cars have too good of heaters and that is why the climate is changing. I had some questions I wanted to ask, but he sounded very certain of this. I started to get a headache and it’s better to just go along you know? Besides I found out that the Charley’s Angel’s guy is a brother-in-law to a Village leader. He sells a lot of the cars to the Village leaders that they have to drive. Mainly the C-20!
I thought how nice it was of him to sell those big cars he doesn’t like, just to help out our country! And on top of that our leaders have to ride around with those heaters that work but heat up the planet!
The salesman told me to be really careful when I turned on the air conditioning. Never do it if I ever get a chance to pass anybody. Ever get a chance? Do not use it on hills, inclines, ramps or if I have two or more people in the car. Never turn it on if the car is idling for longer than five minutes. Never use it at the same time I use the turn signals or windshield wipers. I told my son that, the one who is going to be a professional skate boarder; he called me a dork. Then he and the other skateboarders laughed really loud. I could hear then really well because the car isn’t very well insulated from outside noise. I turned the radio up real loud to drown them out but the car died when I did that. That made them laugh more and the youngest and littlest skateboarder called me a dork again.
I think I heard my wife laugh this time too, but the cars honking at me as I sat in the roadway drowned it out. A sense of pride that only those who fight climate change can understand swept over me. Inconvenient truth? Yes, but the Village would live another day!